Etiquette: What's Your Sign?

Dear Reader,

I hope you enjoy the title for my post to-day. I remember those days when the young chaps in the discotechs used to ask my granddaughters that question. I remember asking the girls what that meant. I was surprised at their answer--why would someone want to get to know another based upon a birthdate? Does a birthdate supersede charm, poise, and loveliness? I think perhaps it might have back then, based upon some of the old photographs I have seen recently. Well, I digress. On to the topic at hand...signatures.

My dear, I must inform you of the proper way to sign documents of a formal social nature. I do not mean legal briefs, bank drafts, or contracts, but rather guest registers at hotels, weddings, funerals, and the like. When one is confronted with signing a register in a social formal setting, the proper way to sign is with one's formal name. For example, one would sign with her husband's name, if married (Mrs. John Smith) or her own name, if unmarried (Miss Mary Smith). A widowed woman may also sign with her husband's name. A divorced woman may properly sign her name carrying her husband's last name, but her first name (Mrs. Jean Tucker). A married woman is never to sign her first name in these situations unless she wants to imply that she is a divorcee, which would be most unbecoming. If one's husband is accompanying her to such events, the register listing should also be properly documented as "Mr. and Mrs. So and So". The title of "Ms." is dreadfully feminist in nature and is never appropriate in social settings. One is either "Miss" or "Mrs." "Ms." is only acceptable in business, and gingerly at that. Think of the message a girl is sending to potential suitors when "Ms." is used! It clearly states, "I am a progressive woman and I don't cook, clean, or enjoy household tasks, and I smoke on the street." I hope I have made myself clear, dear reader.

If attendance at a wedding or funeral is a necessary part of business (a death of a colleague, etc.), one's obligation is first socially, second professionally. This means that the rules are the same. If one chooses, albeit unwisely, to be a "Ms." at the office, she is still a "Miss" or a "Mrs." once she leaves the confines of same to attend such a ceremony. The gentleman who is worth his salt always scans the social register to see where he stands in comparison to the rest of the guests. If you are a "Miss", wouldn't you want him to see you listed there properly? No gentleman wants to marry a "Ms."!

I hope this lesson to-day will allow you to display your newly learned decorum when you are attending such functions. If you follow these simple rules, when someone asks you about your sign, you can respond discreetly to yourself, "my sign is one which reads: 'I am a charming lady of loveliness who knows and follows the rules.'"

Until next time...

HF