Etiquette, Charm, and Beauty for the Woman of Today

Beauty: Summertime Protection

2009-06-06T13:26:00.004-05:00

Dear Readers,

It has been some time since I have posted, but I have been flying around town with all of my important social engagements. But fear not, dear reader...I have not forgotten you.

To-day's lesson will be a pithy one. I want to remind you about the importance of protecting your loveliness by the wearing of sun protection. Why look like you have been outside in the sun all day, like some laborer? You want you skin to be smooth and delicate as you gracefully age, not tough and leathery. My dear, a quick delight at the resort will last even longer if you wear a hat and your protection cream. Advertise to the world your life of leisure by the care of your skin, not by the undesirable darkening of it. Anyone who is "in the know" will know you were in the Hamptons anyway.

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@gmail.com.

Charm: Embrace Your Day the Hildegarde Way

2009-03-03T16:30:00.003-05:00

Dear Reader,

To-day's post is one of learning how to spread your charm to others, simply by how you phrase your questions and statements throughout the day. There is always place for charm and courtesy; do remember that, dear. In any circumstance, you can choose to be rude or you can choose to be polite. In order to travel up the ladder of your success program, you must always choose the polite way, albeit the path less traveled these days.

Here is an example so you will always be correct: the other day, I overheard my servants in the kitchen early in the morning as they were preparing my breakfast. Cook said to the maid, "I don't think that Mrs. Fillmore would want that old cinnamon bread. I know I am tired of it!". Now, the maid had bought the bread at the bakery, so this comment could have been a little insulting. An alternative, which would have been just as easy to say and with no hurt feelings could have been, "I think Mrs. Filmore's tastes may lean more toward pumpernickel today. I will serve her that with her cream and eggs." Now, how much nicer is that? It is the little things that make a difference, dear. Think of what "Hildegarde" would do/say next time you are interacting with someone else. You will never lose the game when politeness and courtesy are your pawns. Remember..."embrace your day the Hildegarde way".

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@gmail.com.

Dear Hildegarde: Your Questions Answered

2009-02-07T22:18:00.002-05:00

Dear Mrs. Fillmore,

I went to a ladies' party recently where the hostess flatly refused to let anyone bring anything to help with refreshments . A couple of women brought something anyway. I wasn't sure if this was the right thing to do or if it was a bit rude not to follow the hostess' wishes. The evening included all refreshments, including wine, appetizers, salad, dinner and dessert, plus a small party favor gift. All from the hostess single-handedly. It was wonderful (and she has four kids to boot : ) )

Anyway, I wrote her a thank you note the next day, took it to a local florist and had it delivered along with a moderate floral arrangement. It felt really good to send her flowers and a note after the fact (I would not hesitate to do something like this again), but would it be easier just to bring flowers or a bottle of wine with me anyway next time such a circumstance happens?

Sincerely,

Sense of Gratitude

Dear Mrs. Gratitude,

Now I know that you have been regularly reading my column! I dare say that you could probably dole out advice as my assistant! Brava, my dear lady!

To your questions...despite a hostess' outright refusal for her guests to bring anything, most people usually do regardless. It is almost sort of a little game we play in society, unfortunately. You could equate this with being invited to a birthday party for a friend and the hostess states, "no gifts, please", but you would always bring a little something, wouldn't you? Some people like to have their parties a certain way, which is why she may have refused assistance. Anyone bringing a dish, despite the hostess' request, should not feel hurt if her dish is not displayed with the rest. Of course, the best way to handle the situation is as you suggested: bringing flowers or a beverage is just as easy and would not infringe upon her "theme" for refreshments for the event, should she have one. However, sending flowers after the event is equally as correct, as is sending them prior.

I hope this advice has helped you, dear. Although I don't really think that you needed it!

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@gmail.com.

Dear Hildegarde: Your Questions Answered

2009-02-01T22:08:00.002-05:00

Dear Mrs. Fillmore,

Regarding thank you notes - it's my goal in life to write thank you notes is as timely a manner as possible. I've been TERRIBLE about this, but am glad to say my holiday thank yous were out last week (after sitting in my purse a week before that waiting for stamps). What about thank you notes when you have received a gift and given thanks already in person? I believe you cannot express "too much" thanks to anyone, but is a thank you note required in this instance?

Sincerely,
Always Writing

Dear Mrs. Writing,

Thank you so very much for writing in today! I do so like to receive feedback and questions from my readers. Well, it sounds as if you have been heeding my column and are on your way to completing your charm program! I had better ready my calligraphy pen for your graduation certificate, which of course will arrive on engraved papers (NEVER printed - remember that, dear).

Now, in answer to your question, it is most appropriate to follow up with a thank you note even when a gift has been given and thanks received in person, although not required. Consider how you would feel if you received a note of gratitude in the same situation: most likely, you would be pleased and fondly remember the person writing the note. This is what courtesy is all about. Unless you are some sort of stalker, it is unlikely that you would "overthank" someone for a gift.

I hope this has answered your question, dear. Please do come back and let me know what you decided.

Until next time,
HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Etiquette: Thank You Notes, Once Again

2009-01-27T13:46:00.004-05:00

Dear Reader,

I cannot tell you how nice it is to be back in town after a lovely holiday season. I enjoyed celebrating Christmas et al with my family and exchanging gifts of a most tasteful nature. Now, have you all written your proper thank you notes? The deadline is fast approaching. Naturally, you should have thanked your gift giver at the time of receipt of the gift, especially if you received it in person; however, if a gift was sent to you via the post, you must especially send a gracious and meaningful note of thanks, however short. February 1 is the absolute last day for an acceptable thank you note from the Christmas holidays.

Thank you notes are ALWAYS appropriate whenever a kindness is shared with you, however small. Do not be remiss in this polite action, lest you be left off of the Christmas list for next year!

Until next time,

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Holiday Hiatus: Off to Bermuda

2008-11-21T14:39:00.003-05:00

Dear Readers,

I am writing to you to-day to let you know of my holiday plans. My husband and I are off to our home in Bermuda for the rest of the year to enjoy the holiday season. I shall return after the new year...

Please remember to mind your manners and if you have any questions whilst I am away, please read back through all of my postings. I am sure you will find an answer to your query in no time.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all!

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Charm: Let's Speak Nicely on Facebook

2008-11-20T18:44:00.002-05:00

Dear Reader,

It has come to my attention as of late that there are some out there who use profanity on Facebook. Now, I understand that Facebook is a tool with which to communicate with others socially, but who of your friends uses profanity in public, or in private, for that matter? The initial question is: why are you friends with someone who even uses profanity? There is no need for this type of language and especially not in a public forum where your name is attached. I would suggest that if you have a Facebook "friend" who uses profanity or controversial language on Facebook, defriend him immediately. There is no other option; people who see your Facebook page will see the vulgarity and automatically assume that you approve of it. And that is no way to get your foot in the door at the local country club now, is it?

Technology is our friend as well as our enemy. Use it wisely...

Until next time,
HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Beauty: The Long and Short of Nails (and Hands)

2008-10-26T14:16:00.001-05:00

Dear Reader,

To-day we will discuss the topic of fingernails and their proper grooming. I must get right down to business about the subject and not waste too much time with formalities--this is indeed a most important matter. This topic comes about as a result of my shopping earlier to-day. The check-out girl at my local apothecary had the most dreadful looking fingernails: uneven lengths, raw chapped hands, and ragged looking cuticles. This, my dear, is a definite "no-no" if you ever want to be respected within your community. The nails and hands tell alot about the lady. If your nails are not maintained properly, and so easily done so, what does this say to an onlooker about the rest of you? If you cannot take the time to care for your hands and nails, at least make an appointment with your local manicurist! For those who have the time to pamper themselves, I offer to you the following grooming tips:

1. Wash hands and fingernails regularly, especially during the cold winter months.
2. Trim your fingernails so the lengths are even with one another, that is, each nail shows the same amount of "white".
3. File your nails into a pleasing shape; slightly rounded is the most attractive these days.
4. Ensure that not one speck of dirt appears underneath the nail--use a nailbrush if you have to to ensure maximum cleanliness.
5. Push your cuticles back gently and trim off any excess with cuticle scissors.
6. Massage your nails and hands with a thick cream for hydration and adequate blood circulation--allow to soak in.
7. Apply nail color or clear lacquer to the nails, making sure to clean up any mistakes as you work.
8. Sit back, relax, and smile as your nails dry. You have just taken your next step toward loveliness!

Your goal is to have soft, milky white, hydrated hands with lovely and delicate fingernails. Always wear gloves to protect your hands from the elements and to keep your manicure looking fresh.

Take the time, dear reader, to become a perfectionist with these tasks. Take a look around at the hands of the girls you know. Notice the ones that are not maintained properly. Are those the hands of a lady that a man would like get to know better? Your hands say more about you then you know. Strive for hands that say, "I am a charming person. I take care of myself, my home, and can prepare a fine, elegant meal!" That will get you noticed!

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Etiquette: Pass the Salt, Please

2008-09-26T12:20:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

To-day's lesson comes about, albeit unfortunately, from an experience I had earlier this morning at a club meeting. I must say that I am disappointed that two women with whom I have made an acquaintance behaved in such a way that I had to write this post! Of course, because I am highly familiar with the rules of decorum, I will not mention this post to them, as not to cause unjust embarrassment (no lady of charm EVER corrects another's manners, especially in public!--a mother correcting her child is the ONLY exception, and this as well calls for utmost discretion); however, if they come upon this post per chance, then let this be a lesson to them!

We are discussing the art of passing, not of dying my dear (we will leave that for another day's lesson), but passing, that is, handing something to someone else. There is an art to this, dear reader, so do not let yourself be surprised by this instruction. I will take to-day's example: one lady on my left wanted to pass a note to the lady on my right. Well, you can imagine my disgust and astonishment when the lady to my left simply thrust the note in front of my face, waiting for her recipient to collect it. I had to control my facial expression as not to embarrass either of these ladies or lose my composure; however, you will now find two fewer names listed on my bridge luncheon invitation list! I will proceed to explain the proper way to deliver such an item:

1. First of all, one should not be passing notes or other items during a club meeting or other gathering unless it is an absolute emergency. It is disrespectful to the speaker and disruptive to the others in the audience. If there is no emergency, simply wait until after the function to discuss your matter.
2. If an emergency arises, politely ask the person sitting next to you (in a delicate whisper--discretion is most important here) to kindly pass the note to the person opposite her and ask the person's pardon for your actions. Practically speaking, simply state something like, "I hate to impose upon you like this, but would you mind passing this note to Mrs. So and So on your right--it is quite important." Anytime one of your body parts must cross another's path, please ask permission, and then ask to be pardoned. No one is appreciative of body parts in her personal space, unless of course you are married, then your husband's person should be eagerly welcomed (we will also discuss this when we have a more discrete moment).

At table:

The above rules apply again for passing food or condiments at table. Here is an example so you will be correct:

"Mother, would you mind passing me the salt, please?" (of course dear, you have tasted your food first before asking for any additional condiments). Each person passes the item to her immediate neighbor until it arrives at its final destination. No reaching in front of anyone else, please.

If your are a hostess at a dinner party and do not have hired help (you poor dear!), you may clear the dishes (or better yet, employ your well behaved children in this regard), from each guest's right. Remember this little ditty, "leave from the left, remove from the right" as to never infringe upon a guest's view or space. Good hired help should know this, but do monitor your servants before hosting your dinner party of society guests.

Well, dear reader, that is all for to-day. I hope that this lesson will assist you in maintaining your position in your community. No note passing or rude table behavior is ever worth the risk of being removed from the social register, or worse yet, from my personal address book.

Until next time...

HF

Charm: A Word on Smoking, Gum Chewing, and Drinking from a Bottle or Can

2008-09-07T18:55:00.001-05:00

Dear Reader,

Don't.

More words on the subject:

You think that you look moded and chic when you do these things, but you really look like a cheap, street-walking trollop. How ugly is it to see a woman, especially on the street, with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth. I know that Norma, Joan, Bette, and Marilyn all did it, but it is just not proper nor attractive. You also want to have the freshest breath for the man in your life, and a mouth which reeks of smoke and teeth that are yellow-stained will not endear yourself to him, especially after a hard day's work at his business.

Take a look around at the girls who are chewing gum. Imagine that you are in the middle of a beautiful field, filled with Jersey cows, all chewing their cud. Isn't that how your friends appear? You look the same, dear reader! Even worse is chewing gum with one's mouth open, constantly creating that dreadful smacking noise. Need I say anything more?

No lady ever drinks from a bottle or can, especially in public. Grab yourself a glass, dear. The only exception to this rule, and this is relatively new, would be drinking water in a training club. One must drink while exercising and it is mildly impractical to use a glass in this hurried situation. However, in order for this to be acceptable, or I would say, even tolerable, it must be an all women's club. Never drink from a bottle or can in front of a man if you ever intend on receiving a marriage proposal!

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Facebook

2008-08-23T21:43:00.003-05:00

Dear Reader,

I must extend my deepest apologies for not writing to you more regularly. I have been remiss in my duties to educate and inspire. Although usually the one to blame in most life situations is oneself, I am blaming Facebook. Please visit the site and you will discover why.

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

More Ridiculous Commercials: Viva Not Just for Paper Towels Anymore

2008-08-06T14:44:00.006-05:00

Dear Reader,

I must write to you to-day about yet another advertisement put out there by our wolves in sheep's clothing, those "snarky" junior ad executives. Has it come to this, the last bit of decency in our society, now simply thrown to the wind? My, my...I could not believe this commercial of so called "men" sitting around in a circle putting their news of newfound abilities in the boudoir to music. Why are they not at home with their wives? And why does this newfangled "cure" cause one to break into song? It is just unfathomable how any of these actors could perform in this commercial with a straight face (although the actors do appear to be laughing at some points during the ad, probably in disbelief of the acceptance of the acting job):

Viagra Commercial

I am almost too embarrassed to even discuss this commercial; however, don't worry...I have my smelling salts by my side.

Please write to this company to share your disgust with their advertising.

Stop Viagra Advertising

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Di v. Liz: A Tale of Two Slips...er, One Slip

2008-08-01T06:42:00.013-05:00

Dear Reader,

To-day I found it most prudent to revisit our recent and highly important topic of wearing underpinnings. I do not want to completely recite my previous post about the subject (Charm: A Slip of the Slip), but as I was taking my daily Journal (Wall Street, that is, for those of you outside the stock triangle), I saw the most abhorrent article about the wearing, or non-wearing for the younger New York set, as the case may be, of slips: "Pardon Me, Your Slip is Not Showing" and decided that this issue must be addressed--again. The columnist stated that due to changing mores, younger women are choosing not to wear the proper undergarments. Changing mores, I say? What, are these younger women so "fast" that they prefer having fewer items to remove on certain occasions? What other reason would there be to forego stockings and slips? What these younger ones fail to realize is that any true gentleman is not going to allow his eyes to fall on those such as they. Well, perhaps his eyes may fall, but surely they will not remain as these sort of girls are not the type brought home to mother. Take a look at the accompanying photos, using the link above. The author attempts to show how anachronistically fashion forward Di is in her frumpy frock, sunlight showing right through her skirt. You remember that photo that scandalized the 80s? However, when compared to Miss Taylor (or Mrs. Robinson, that harlot) in her slip and stockings in her press photo for Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, there is no comparison. How is it possible that anyone would consider Di more appealing than Liz? Ladies, compare the two and decide for yourself who is more alluring. The answer, my dear, is Miss Taylor. There is something to be said for "leaving something to the imagination", not to mention modesty. Whether your goal is to be the ladylike person you know you can be or the femme fatale you shouldn't, consider some additional lingerie for your trousseau...if you do, that next slip might be a wedding ring on your finger.

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Dear Hildegarde: Your Questions Answered

2008-07-21T13:59:00.005-05:00

Dear Hildegarde,

I am a college student and am troubled by all of my friends constantly texting each other, especially when I am out to dinner with them. I don't want to say anything and look like a loser, but it is a pain when I am trying to have a conversation with them and they are constantly interrupted by their texts. What should I do?

From,

Irritatingly Interrupted

Dear Interrupted,

Thank you for writing in today. My dear, I must say to you that you have every right to be upset at your friends' lack of manners at table. I have similarly addressed this issue with cell phone usage at table (Cell Phones at Table). There is one rule for cell phones, and in this instance, text messaging, at table: don't. It is very rude to constantly (or even once, for that matter) put a dinner companion "on hold" while answering a ringing cell phone or text notification. This person might as well be having a conversation with a dinner patron at the next table. I almost feel as if people don't care to speak in person anymore; electronic conversation appeals to the younger set today, which is dreadful, really.

Now, as far as confronting your friend about the situation, you may be as explicit as need be, and simply state to her something of this nature--perhaps you and she should get together at another time when she is not so busy. There isn't really anything else you can say without coming across as demanding. Perhaps she will get the message, perhaps not. It is up to you to determine if this friendship is worth keeping. If it is, you may want to be more forthcoming with how her cell phone usage/texting when you are together is making you feel.

I hope this helps you, dear. Please write back with the details.

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Secret: Underarm Daintiness Should Remain As Such

2008-07-06T20:50:00.005-05:00

Dear Reader,

Well...I have looked high and low to find the clip of the newest Secret commercial, advertising a new product: SECRET FLAWLESS. This is yet another advert which absolutely should be edited, if not completely removed. Now dear, I have no quibble with ladies wanting to remain dainty and fresh smelling. Why, one of my earlier posts was dedicated to such a topic. What I do take issue with is the advert showing this woman running around New York waving at anyone she can find, with the sole intent of showing off her underarm area. What is even worse is that at the end of the brief, she actually takes a "sniff" (in public) of this unmentionable area to ensure her daintiness. No lady worth her Ferragamos would ever consider such an act. How dreadful that these advertisers are amused by such proletarian measures to capture an audience. Additionally, their new campaign, "Because You're Hot", is just preying on the groundling thought patterns of those around us. Again, we see another set of executives who were raised by wolves.

Contact Secret

Again, please write to this concern to let them know of your distaste with their marketing tactics; I certainly have. If I can find the clip of the advert, I will post it.

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a questions for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

The One that Started It All...Aspercreme

2008-06-23T14:50:00.003-05:00

Dear Reader,

By now I am sure that you have taken up "arms" against these would be advertisers to let them know of their faulty methods in attracting our attention. Well, I want to show you what our work has accomplished. Please see below the first advertisement which lit the fire of my illustrious campaign:

Aspercreme_Ad

After I viewed this, I contacted my dear sister in Bronxville, who had also recently seen this advertising disaster, and commented on the fact that I could not believe how such filth was able to get "on the air". How was it that these junior executives came up with these marketing campaigns? I was puzzled. Then alas, she reminded me of how such a thing could happen: "they were raised by wolves, dear sister". The truth was out there. Yes, there is a generation of people out there who were indeed "raised by wolves", "raised in a barn", what have you, etc. I see it as my divine duty to educate through my posts and via my letters of complaint to these advertisers. Thanks to the efforts of the ladies out there, this advert is no longer running. Won't you join me in this for a delightful little summer project?

Until next time,

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

No, No, No, Nutri-System

2008-06-09T20:55:00.007-05:00

Dear Reader,

Yet again, I have come upon another advert deserving rebuke. Take a look at this advertisement for NutriSystem and see if you can detect the obvious error in polite marketing:

Larry_the_Cable_Guy_NutriSystem_Ad

I admit, having Dan Marino outfitted in Larry's traditional attire is quite enchanting, but Mr. Cable Guy's reference to "balls", later shown as bowling balls, is quite suggestive and unnecessary, not to mention showing Mr. Cable Guy with his shirt off in his "before" photo. Where will the line be drawn? These companies may have good products, but their advertising techniques are contributing to the coarsening of our culture. Who are the people in these focus groups who find these tactics amusing? Obviously not people who are taking my course.

Please write to this firm to let them know of your concerns (Contact_Nutrisystem).

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Charm: Impropriety in Advertisements

2008-06-05T23:37:00.022-05:00

Dear Reader,

We are taking a bit of a turn beginning with to-day's lesson. We have been spending a great amount of time working on your charm and poise, undoubtedly a noble pursuit. However, it has come to my attention of late that our friends in the media have been taking extreme liberties in advertising their products and services, thus reducing their charm and poise quotient. Many of these younger executives in the industry have no regard for taste and decency when peddling their wares, and I feel it best for the ladies to wage a delicate protest against this indecency and impropriety. Now, I am not suggesting that we legally change our names to "Carrie Nation" and march upon our local saloons, although not a bad idea in this day and age, but rather that we inform these modern proprietors that their lude and groundling means of attracting us to their goods are merely repelling us. My dear, I am all for capitalism, but only in its most decent form.

Let's take a look, shall we, at a sample of a most unbelievable advertisement:

Clearblue_Easy

This is just one of the most dreadful advertisements I have ever seen, and I have lived through two World Wars with the most outrageous propaganda. Ladies, we must wage our war with delicate words. Please contact this firm to let them know of your concerns with their advertising (http://www.clearblue.info). They have since "amended" the advert, but it is still atrocious. Alas...I fear there is more of this to come.

If you find an advertisement which appears indelicate, please write to me and we shall continue our ladylike campaign of decency in advertising. This shall be a nice little diversion for us during the summertime.

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Dear Hildegarde: Your Questions Answered

2008-05-28T18:06:00.002-05:00

Dear Hildegarde,

Your advice on photographs leads me to a question. What is proper etiquette concerning commenting on others' appearances in photos? If you run across a photo where someone does not, dare I say it, look their best, is it proper to speak to this matter? If it is proper, should it be done privately or in a public forum?

Signed,

Curious Casper

Dear Curious,

Thank you so very much for your post. I always appreciate when readers are spurred on to to other thoughts as a result of one of my lessons. Now, onto your query...

The theoretical lesson here is probably one that you have learned from your mother: "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." A good lesson indeed; however, I do believe that although the intent of this phrase is to encourage us to speak well and positively of others, it does not necessarily preclude us from giving someone in a photo "a good ribbing" every now and then. I would state here that a rule for your question would be that comments or observations given in good humor (whether in public or private) are acceptable as long as they are given in such, not with ill intent, not too often, and as long as the recipient(s) of such comments would be of good sport and not overly sensitive to the subject of the comment at hand. For example, it you saw a photo of some friends whom you knew had some sensitivity to hair growth issues, you would never say something like, "Ed, why don't you lose the toupee...and while your at it, have your wife taken in for a lip waxing!" That would be very crass, very insensitive, and just outright cruel, especially if you made these comments in front of others.

Be a good judge of your intended recipients and act accordingly. Jocularity is taken well not only in the locker room at the county club, but also out in public. On the flip side, the deliverer of same comments should also be of good sport to receive a return observation!

I hope this helps you in your situation.

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com

Dear Hildegarde: Your Questions Answered

2008-05-24T09:00:00.002-05:00

Dear Mrs. Fillmore,

My 17 year old daughter is going to her prom. She is adamant about not wearing stockings, and I am adamant that she will. She will be wearing a long formal dress and three-inch gold heels, toe out! She thinks that getting her toes done is sufficient.

My opinion is that it is a formal affair, with a male date in tuxedo, and that she should wear stockings.

What is the proper etiquette?

***

Dear Reader,

Thank you for writing in about your predicament. This is a difficult situation as there are strict rules to be followed here and at the same time, delicate feelings of a teenager which must be considered. In my day, we were covered from head to toe regardless of the time of day, so this would have never been a question; however, times have changed, so let's take a look together at the options placed before us.

Since I do consider myself an authority on these matters, I feel that I also have the authority to bend the rules slightly. We do need to be aware of what is happening in the teen world; however, if charm or modesty would be compromised, if your daughter wanted to wear a plunging neckline, an open midsection, or a short dress for example, I would be ever so strict about your daughter's costume. This situation is a little different as the dress is of the proper formal floor length, covering anything delicate, including the knees and ankles. As much as I am personally aghast at the lack of stockings in fashion today, I feel it may be acceptable to allow your daughter to go without for this one occasion, especially if teen fashion so dictates. I must tell you that if you insist upon her wearing them, they will be removed as soon as you are out of sight anyway, so letting your daughter know that you care about her feelings by allowing this one exception will do wonders for your relationship. However, please do instruct her on the proper etiquette of stockings (basically ALWAYS wearing them) hence forward. Now, before we leave this topic, it would be wise for your daughter to wear bloomers underneath her dress, just down to the knee. This will prevent any "peek-a-boo" issues should she trip and fall or be twirling around on the dance floor.

Additionally, I congratulate your daughter's acknowledgment that a pedicure is most necessary here. One should never wear open-toed shoes or sandals without having a pedicure.

I hope this advice assists you with your quandary. Best of everything and have a wonderful prom!

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com

Etiquette: Weddings, Weddings Everywhere...But What Gift Shall I Bring?

2008-05-20T17:07:00.003-05:00

Dear Reader,

I was at my spa the other day when I overheard some ladies discussing what one of them, despite the fact that she could not attend the wedding, should send to the bride as a gift. The next statement made me swoon--the lady said, "I think I will send her a check". Now ladies, one does not ever send a check as a gift. That type of gesture is barely one at all and simply states, "You aren't worth the time it will take to select the proper gift for this special occasion." Hear this, ladies: sending money as a wedding gift is simply vulgar. I dare say that if you have ever done this, you should phone the bride immediately and apologize, even if she married thirty years ago.

Here are some parameters for a proper wedding gift. How much you spend is up to you, but at least you can note for yourself what a proper gift entails (a proper gift is always sent BEFORE the wedding to the bride, not brought to the event):

Wedding Shower: linens, every day china, every day utensils, small kitchen appliances (toaster, food processor, etc.)
Wedding: crystal, china, sterling, heirloom furniture pieces

It matters not that a couple starting out may have little funds. If you, ignoring my sound advice, send a check, know that it will be spent to pay bills and other debts, not used to purchase a special something to remind them of their wedding day, nor to remember the giver. It is up to us, dear reader, to educate the younger set in the ways of finery and the only way they will learn is if we assist by providing some of their crystal, china, and sterling for them. Most younger people of today will not go out and purchase these items for themselves, but they are simply required when one enters society and begins to host dinner parties, committee meetings, and garden luncheons. Should we be remiss in this area, you might see the lady of tomorrow serving the First Lady of the United States on a paper plate!

That is all for today, dear reader.

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Beauty: A Picture Lasts 1000 Years

2008-05-10T19:22:00.002-05:00

Dear Reader,

To-day we will be discussing the value of photographs and the importance of you looking your best in each and every one. You must remember, dear, that others will be seeing these pictorial representations of you whether tomorrow or in a hundred years, and you always want to be remembered at your most charming and beautiful you. Now, if you are a regular reader of my column and subscriber to my advice, you will always be ready to be photographed. However, here are some tips for your diary:

1. Always look presentable regardless of whether or not you plan on being photographed. Don't leave your home without having bathed and dressed tastefully and properly, in age appropriate clothing, of course. Make sure your hair and makeup are pleasing as well.
2. Don't forget to bring along your perky disposition, smiling and sparkling during each moment of the day.

If you follow the above tips, you will be ready for any picture, whether posed or candid. Additionally, only save and/or distribute those photos of yourself which show you in your best light. Any photos which render you unattractive or in an unflattering pose should be destroyed immediately. You want your descendants to respect you and feel that their ancestors were well received by society, not on their way to a beach party or garage sale. Let your collage be flawless and the memory of you be cherished.

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Charm: To Ail...or not to Ail

2008-04-26T07:50:00.003-05:00

Dear Reader,

To-day we will discuss the sharing of information regarding one's ailments with others. Here is the simple rule: don't. Unless the "other" is your doctor or your spouse (and sharing here shall be limited to what is absolutely necessary), keep your problems to yourself. Trust me dear, no one else desires to hear of your rheumatism, headaches, or back problems. She will act interested (if she has been following my program, she will know that politeness is required here), but will be thinking that you are dull and a bore. If you simply cannot contain your problems, buy for yourself a nice journal and keep track of your maladies in this manner. Perhaps someone will read it someday and feel sorry for you.

Additionally, when asked the polite question, "How are you?", the correct response is "fine" or some other pithy and positive comment. No one is truly asking about your well being, unless you are in your psychiatrist's or pastor's office. If you ever want to be asked again, do forego the litany of life's trials here and just simply answer as exampled above. Otherwise, if you are addressed at all, it will be something more along the lines of "hello, nice to see you". If you are ever addressed this way, it is time to evaluate your life and become more cheerful about your circumstances. Do spread sunshine, dear!

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com

Charm: A Slip of the Slip

2008-04-13T21:50:00.004-05:00

Dear Readers,

I must tell you about a dreadful situation I encountered at church this morning. I was chatting with a lovely lady, one of our church's most esteemed members, to be sure, when I noticed something black showing through her very rich looking pink cashmere sweater, donned with pearls, of course. The black item was a slip showing though!! I almost gasped when I noticed it, but of course, since I have been schooled in the finer things, kept my astonishment to myself, making mental note for my posting later, however. Ladies, I am sure that this was an innocent mistake, especially knowing this lady personally; however, please check your mirrors before you leave your home as not to be caught in a fashion faux pas. All that would have been needed to be adjusted was the slip and this outfit would have been acceptable. Only wear dark slips under dark clothing. White or flesh colored slips shall be worn under light clothing. When in doubt, go with the flesh colored slip--you will never be incorrect.

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Charm: Hose Line is an Anyway?

2008-04-06T15:50:00.005-05:00

Ladies, Ladies, Ladies...I hasten to get to my topic of to-day and therefore am overlooking the fact that I did not greet you appropriately. Unfortunately, I feel that we need to revisit the topic of pantyhose and I question as to why many of you are still not wearing them with your costumes. Why is this? It matters not that the warm weather is almost upon us. Walking around with bare legs (save at the beach or at your club pool) is just unacceptable. Don't you realize how unfinished you look? Not to mention that many of you at this time of year have very white skin and legs so fair are for the bedroom or sickbed only. And don't you know how bare feet just ruin your shoes? My dear, when you leave your home without stockings, you appear as if you have forgotten to completely dress yourself, as if you forgot your lipstick or to style your hair in an attractive manner because you had to hurry from your slumber to some dreadful emergency. The "just out of bed" look may seem to be the latest with the younger, college set, but my dear, if you ever want to enter the sophisticated adult world, at least the one where I live, you must be more attentive about your dressing habits. Why are so many of you looking to the younger generation for your fashion advice? Don't you know how frivolous and carefree they are? It is time to move beyond the college years, dear. Finishing school is behind you (although you should have been wearing stockings then as well) and the lady in you will blossom and grow if you heed my advice. Please go to your local retailer and invest in some good silk stockings. Let's avoid appearing as mutton dressing as lamb, shall we? You do want to receive the Garden Club membership invitation in the post this Spring, don't you?

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Beauty: All Day Lip Color

2008-04-04T06:26:00.005-05:00

Dear Reader,

To-day I am thrilled to discuss with you the latest in beauty products: the all day lip color which also hydrates your lips. I am not hear to facilitate sales of any particular brand of lipstick, mind you. I am here to instruct you that you must, at once, find one that suits you and wear it ever day. What a modern way to look beautiful and charming! And so easy, too! How many times have you been out at the club only to have to retouch your lipstick after luncheon? How often have you kissed your young child after retrieving her from the governess, only to leave those "tell tale" marks on her cheek or forehead? Not to mention that "sign of affection" left on your husband's cheek as he leaves for his daily business, if indeed your husband needs to work. Never again must you have to manage these maladies. One application in the morning during your toilette and you are polished for the remainder of the day. Now...if only we could find charm that would have such longevity!

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Dear Hildegarde: Your Questions Answered

2008-03-21T10:33:00.004-05:00

Dear Mrs. Fillmore,

I have to go to a garden party next week and have a very nice white outfit I can wear with matching shoes. I have heard that I shouldn't wear white shoes before Memorial Day, but all of my other friends are doing it. What is the rule?

Sincerely,

Unsure in Akron

Dear Unsure,

Thank you for writing in to-day. I must first and foremost tell you that you needn't worry about what your friends are doing, unless that friend is yours truly, to whom you should always lend an ear. Now, the rule in the past has always been that one does not wear white between the holidays of Memorial Day and Labor Day. Now, as you surely know, these holidays have not always been in existence, beginning only in the last century. However, despite the newness of these holidays, the rule still stands and I would implore you to stay true to it. The basic intent of the rule is that white shoes/handbags are for use only in the summertime (the only exceptions are if you are getting married or if you are paging at a hereditary society event). Even if you are a day away from the holiday, don't take a chance, dear! Therefore, in answer to your query, you have the rule and you should not wear white shoes with your ensemble. I would even go as far as to ask you to wear a different costume, one with a little more color and flair, perhaps?

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Charm: Home Sweet Home

2008-03-11T17:24:00.007-05:00

Dear Reader,

To-day I would like to write to you about the fragrance of your home. In earlier posts, we have discussed finding your signature fragrance, which is something special for you. Now let's discuss making your home special for others. There is nothing worse (save a woman with no stockings) than to be greeted at the front door of someone else's home with an unpleasant fragrance emanating from the abode rather than a pleasant smile by the hostess. Open that front door, dear, and it is all over. When something like that happens, it prevents one from wanting to enter, no matter how charming your hostess "appears" to be (of course if she were truly charming, there would be no issue here). Here are some "tips" for your home so all of your guests will find you and your domicile lovely and charming:

1. Always keep your home clean, including all upholstery, linens, and clothes. If your home is clean and in order, the likelihood of some odiferous waft arising is lessened. If you do not have a maid to do your daily washing of clothing, send out or keep a laundry hamper available that can be tightly closed until you can get to it.
2. Despite how aggressive one may be with housekeeping, it is always important to "air" one's home at least three times a week, despite the weather. In nicer weather, keep those windows open at all times, even in the evenings. You need not fear intruders as long as your gardener is on site. Otherwise, open the windows on the upper levels only at night.
3. Find a way to bring fresh, pleasing scents into your home. Fill your rooms with the fresh fragrance of freshly cut flowers. Do not use air freshener (ever) or scented candles. These are artificial enhancers and are surely used by those who otherwise cannot keep their homes fresh by the means I have suggested above. In a previous post, I warned against wearing synthetic fabrics of any kind. The same applies in the arena of home freshening.
4. Pleasing scents from the kitchen are also a tempter to the olfactories. Have your cook bake fresh bread and cakes daily. Offer them to your callers with tea and you will have an enchanting afternoon.

I hope these tips have been of help to you, dear. Keep your home fresh and your spirits will be uplifted. You will never fear answering the door again!

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Dear Hildegarde: Your Questions Answered

2008-02-23T09:38:00.003-05:00

Dear Mrs. Fillmore,

Another wedding shower question for you:

What is your opinion of having guests at your shower self-address an envelope for a thank you note?

Wet Blanket II

Dear Miss Blanket,

My--I had to get the vapors after I read your question! I am sure that you are asking in hopes to bring some levity to an otherwise snowy and cold day here in Scarsdale, aren't you dear? The only word I can think of for a person who does such a thing is "tacky". Oh my--I am still catching my breath at the thought. This is surely a dreadful thing to do (akin to handing your house guests sheets and asking them to make up their own beds) and for once, I can think of nothing more to add, other than to be sure to strike her name and address from your hostess diary and garden party invitation list. I think I shall lie down now for a brief respite.

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Beauty: Whose Line is it Anyway?

2008-02-13T16:47:00.003-05:00

Dear Reader,

Amidst this slushy winter we are having way up here in Scarsdale, I thought it best that I write to you about something that I have noticed happening more and more today with the younger and more "modernistic" women--the improper use of lipliner. Now dear, I think the first order of business here is to define where one's lips actually reside. The top lip is hardly the issue; it is the bottom lip which begs for some assistance. Despite the fact that the lip "area" is pink, the lips do not make up the entirety of this space. Sit yourself down in front of a mirror, dear. With your eyes, carefully trace the outline of your lips and notice that on the bottom lip, there is a sort of "shelf" and there is the slightest bit of pink skin underneath. Where the "shelf" ends, so does the lip and that is where one's lipliner should end. NEVER line the bottom portion underneath the "shelf" or else you will appear as a fish. I see it all of the time, especially with people in the entertainment industry--everyone is going for that "plumped look" and she improperly lines her lips to accentuate the collagen injections she has just so rediculously purchased. "Thin is in", dear, and that also includes the lip area. Who wants to go around looking like a flubbery fish? If you don't believe me (a risky chance taken, mind you), line your lips both ways and see which looks more pleasing and attractive. Would I lie to you?

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Beauty: The Great Divide

2008-02-05T17:58:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

I am enthused to write to you to-day about a subject of the utmost importance which needs some addressing, or should I say, needs some DRESSING. Let's talk about undergarments and how they can prevent one from exposing her backside to the rest of the world when worn properly.

I hate to come across so callously dear, but this is just a topic I never thought I would need to discuss. However, modern trends in fashion call for such a reprimand. I have noticed that lately, the fashion in trousers is to wear the "waistline" below the navel; now, if the tops aren't long enough, guess what you see? A long stretch of pasty white "you know what"! Now, skin is meant to be seen on the beach, and modestly at that. The problem nowadays is that skirts are no longer as in fashion--when one wears a skirt, she will also wear a full slip, thus eliminating "peek-a-boo" issues when she bends over, reaches up high, etc. With trousers, even a camisole can ride up, causing a free "peep show". I am afraid that one has to wear a coverall corset to prevent such things. There should never be a divide between one's top and bottom, ever. Mark this down in your course book, dear--in ink!

I hope this lesson has encouraged you to dress more modestly and appropriately. And by all means, wear skirts so you can enjoy the luxury and ladylike genre of lingerie at its finest. Let's bridge the great divide!

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Beauty: Piercings

2008-01-29T16:55:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

To-day I would like to address the topic of body piercings. I know, it is dreadful to think about, but I simply must lecture on this topic as to keep you informed of what is happening and what you should do about it. We want to be about our beauty best now, don't we?

The world is chasing after sterling, not necessarily a bad thing, unless of course, it is for bodily decoration. Here is the rule so you will always be correct: if one must have piercings, two are allowed, one in each ear. That is all. Any more brings one down several class notches and into the realm of a streetwalker. I do not care of your ethnicity; this rule applies for all who wish to be part of American civilized society (who cares about any other place? Well, perhaps England). Add just one more earring and don't expect to be invited back to the St. Albans Cotillion this year.

Don't question it, dear. Two is the rule, and NEVER before the age of 12.

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Dear Hildegarde: Your Questions Answered

2008-01-25T20:42:00.000-05:00

Dear Ms. Fillmore,

Last night we were out to dinner with some neighbors. The server took away all the silver after the main course. She returned with cream pie and placed a teaspoon to rest at the right side of the pie plate. The spoon was turned down. I asked for a fork. Then my husband said, "Please contact Hildegard to ask about this situation!" Please advise if I was to use the spoon and was in error asking for a fork. Thank you so much Hildegarde.

Dear Cream Pie Lover,

Thank you so very much for writing in. Sometimes, utensil questions can be the most challenging, but not for me, of course. Years of practice and attendance at the finest cotillions and State dinners make a girl quite confident in this arena. Now, back to your question. I personally prefer a fork with any kind of pie. So of course, I see no fault in asking for one at your restaurant. The restaurant is probably assuming that since the dessert contains a pudding-like portion, a spoon is needed, as is when ice cream is served. However, I feel that the pie crust can be too tricky to manage with a spoon at times. I do not feel you were in error asking for a fork; you want to be at your most lovely and dainty and if using a fork instead of a spoon (in this situation) will make you appear that way, I see no reason for worry. Now, this situation would be completely different if you were in someone's home. You always want to follow your hostess' lead, even if she is making a utensil mistake. One of the purposes of the knowledge of etiquette is make others feel comfortable; drawing attention to your hostess' table manners shortcomings would not serve you well in your loveliness program, nor would it endear you to another dinner invitation. At the Queen's supper, follow the Queen, as it were.

I hope this advice has been helpful to you. Keep your chin up, dear, and you will show others the confidence you have as you continue on your journey toward beauty, grace, and charm.

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Dear Hildegarde: Your Questions Answered

2008-01-22T20:09:00.000-05:00

Dear Mrs. Fillmore,

Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day! I was recently invited to a bridal shower for a member of my church, whom I do not know very well. All of the women of my church are invited to the shower (I should clarify here that it is an "open" invitation to all the women of the church, no personal invitation was received). The shower is to be held in two weeks, however, no invitation to the wedding itself has been extended to me thus far -- and the wedding is to be held in February! Is it considered bad form to invite someone to your bridal shower but not the actual wedding? If so, what is the appropriate response?

Signed,
Wet Blanket

Dear Blanket,

I am so glad that you wrote to me to-day. It sounds like you have already been taking my course as you can recognize bad form like a trooper! I see two problems here: the first is the "open invitation" for the bridal shower. A bridal shower is a time of fun, fellowship, and celebration for all involved and is intended for the bride and her most intimate friends (and/or intimate friends of the mother of the bride). The open invitation here is the equivalent of President Bush extending an open invitation for America to attend his daughter's upcoming bridal shower. It is simply rediculous to offer such a thing. It is basically just asking for gifts and is a very lazy way to capture everyone's attendance. Invitations to any event should be deliberate as to make it personal for the recipient. I would question (in private, of course) the manners of a person who would do such a thing. To the second issue: it is very poor form to invite someone to a shower and not to the wedding. It is in essence telling the guest that she is welcome to give the bride a gift (and receive a light luncheon) but she is not important enough for the parents to pay for her seat at the more expensive wedding reception. The shower invitation list should always be a more selective group of ladies taken from the prepared wedding guest list.

My suggestions here are as follows: you need only attend the shower if you like the person and of course, if you do attend, you should bring a gift. However, if you decide not to attend, you need not send a gift either, unless again, you truly like the person being honored, etc. Now, if you are a person of importance at your church, i.e., pastor's wife, committee chairman, etc., you may just have to attend and bring a gift and just ignore the fact that you were not invited to the wedding. Politics are everything these days. That is the ladylike thing to do.

I hope these suggestions have been helpful to you. Good luck with whatever you decide!

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Charm: To Dry...or Not To Dry

2008-01-15T12:56:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

Our question for to-day is whether or not to clean up after oneself in a ladies room. I must say that I have never had to think about this one before: I have always had a lady in waiting at home and when I am at the club, there is always a matron in the ladies room. However, were I to be of such resources as not to have these luxuries about me, I would say that the answer must be a definite "yes".

A reader wrote in to me about cleaning up around the sink area in a public facility. I must say, dear reader, you must always clean up after yourself if there is no attendant to do so. After washing your hands, etc., please dry up the area you have just used as not to leave a pool of water which will soil the next person's blouse. I can only imagine permanently damaging a new silk charmeuse all because of some careless, thoughtless, and slovenly person's remission to tidy up. What is this world coming to? Please look after yourselves in a caring and ladylike manner. Make this note: if you cannot clean up after yourself in public, who is going to want to invite you to her candlelight dinner party at her estate?

Until next time,

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Happy New Year!

2008-01-01T08:08:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

To-day I am up during the wee hours of the morning, solely to wish you a Happy New Year before anyone else. I am courteous like that, you know (of course in polite circles dear, one does not "toot" her own proverbial "horn". However, among close friends, I make an exception, but only for New Year's Day.).

I hope that each of you has a very exciting afternoon planned, one of which, I hope, will consist of considering your positives and negatives, making a list of same, and reading through my previous posts to find advice to make positives out of those negatives. There is no reason to digress on your loveliness program--make 2008 a charming one!

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

2007-12-21T20:50:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

I should like to take this opportunity to wish you the warmest of holidays this season. Mr. Fillmore and I will be celebrating with our families, so I will thusly take the rest of the year off. I feel it will be a well deserved vacation, don't you?

Please watch your manners and show your families and friends how much you have progressed over this year. Put forth your best and most dainty self for all the world to see. As long as you have been following my advice, the world will not be disappointed.

Remember to celebrate Christmas in its true sense, not the giving and receiving of commercial packages, although they do make very appropriate hostess gifts, but rather the coming of Jesus Christ into the world to save us from our sins. Please do your best to honor this occasion by attending church services in your area. Remember to dress modestly and with care, of course.

Well dear, best to you in 2008!

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Charm: Whistler's Mother

2007-12-20T08:00:00.001-05:00

Dear Reader,

I have recently received a delightful request to write about whistling. Now, we are not discussing the happy whistling that is sometimes acceptable when one works (outdoors only, please--there is no need to whistle at your desk at your place of business. That is simply annoying to all of your coworkers regardless of your whistling prowess. Unless you are a dwarf who answers to a name that is also an adjective, keep it zipped, please.). We are discussing women, and notice I use the term "women" and not "ladies", whistling through their fingers. There is NEVER an appropriate time for a female to impart a loud whistling sound from her lips. This action is wholly obnoxious and must be stopped immediately. Why on earth would someone whistle like that? Dear, are you trying to get someone's attention? For Heaven's sake, call her on her cell phone; the likelihood is that your friend does have one. If you have the task of working with animals, please, buy yourself a dog whistle; at my last check, I do believe that they are still manufactured. Would you like to quiet a room of ladies before the luncheon and historical program begin? Simply dim the lights on and off. Are you trying to show your favoritism for a certain sports team whilst in the stands? A simple, "bravo!" or "go team!" will suffice. Whistling through the fingers is a very barbaric thing to do. If you read my previous posts, you will note that any sort of sound that is not speech or song eminating from a person is most unattractive and must be prevented and/or dispensed with in private. Dear, this is now the 21st century. Please find some other way of communicating which will not detract from your daintiness and loveliness program.

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Dear Hildegarde: Your Questions Answered

2007-12-18T17:03:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

To-day we will revisit one of my old favorites: "Dear Hildegarde". I usually save this for my Friday column, but since I received a question mid-week, I will address it in kind...

Dear Mrs. Fillmore,

What does one do about sets of doors? If your gentleman friend opens the outer door is it appropriate and courteous to open the inner door for him? Or, since this is a casual circumstance, hold the door open for him as you walk through it? I encounter this every day coming in and out of the dorm.

Signed,
Carol

Dearest Carol,

I hope that you are enjoying happily your life as a college co-ed! There is no experience like it--this is a nice time of life: no encumbrances--just you and the world. Encumbrances can be wonderful, but enjoy your freedom to discover the path set for you during these early adult years.

Now, to your question. Please remember that etiquette is a journey to be had in the consideration of others. It is not merely a set of rules, which occasionally when followed, are designed to create a new set of encumbering circumstances. That having been said, I will give you my thoughts for two different scenarios. If you are "with" a man, meaning your date for the evening, your father or brother, or merely a classmate coming over to your dorm to study (in the public area, mind you), of course, the young (or old, as the case may be) man should absolutely open both doors for you as a gesture of gentlemanly courtesy. You are travelling as a couple, as it were, and he should treat you as the feminine half. Here is the second scenario: if you are entering your dorm and a random person happens to be within the vicinity, of course, he may open your door. However, once you enter, you may feel free to open the inner door for the other party, or walk thorugh first and hold it open for him. It does not make sense for a casual acquaintence to rush to open both doors for you. However, if this is a date, he absolutely must do so. It is a different relationship and thus calls for different rules.

I know you, dear. You are a thoughtful, courteous, young lady. I feel it best to leave this to your discretion. Knowing the rules now "on paper", do what seems appropriate (keeping in mind that I will expect a report back from you during your Christmas break). It is those who know the rules who also have the savvy to finesse them.

Best to you, my dear!

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Etiquette: Time is of the Essence

2007-12-04T21:43:00.001-05:00

Dear Reader,

I hasten to write to you to-day regarding this matter of timeliness. I have seen so many of you late to to meetings, luncheons, and even to church worship services recently. What is it about your day that you cannot allocate your time as to not embarrass yourself by showing up to an event later than reqested?

One of the most important reasons to be on time is to show respect for others. When one enters an event late, it shows that she does not care enough about the other people who are on time and does not care that her late entrance will cause a disruption to the festivities. Being late says, "I'm selfish and unorganized". I don't care what personality one has, she must organize her life in such a manner as to be able to make all of her appoinments. Otherwise, she should reduce her obligations to the point where they are manageabe.

Now, there is that OCCASIONAL time when one must be late--traffic accidents, emegencies, etc. In that instance, by all means, contact your hostess to let her know you will be delayed. With the advent of cell phones, there is no reason to make anyone worry about your well being.

Take the time to be on time, my readers!

Until next time...

HF

Etiquette: Door to Door

2007-10-19T19:29:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

I have had numerous inquiries regarding door etiquette over the past few days. I guess since Winter is coming, people want to know the rules in order to get into buildings and homes as quickly as possible. I will get right to our lesson to-day...

It is always important to be courteous to others and keep their needs in mind before yours. That is the whole point of learning and using my etiquette rules. The only people who suffer in this world are those who do not benefit from the knowledge of the rules and the blessing of implementing them in order to be considerate of others. How dreadful it is that such are among us! I dream of a community where everyone knows the rules and follows them--off to Heaven!

Here are some easy pointers regarding door manners:

1. Men (gentlemen, that is) always open doors for ladies (even in business--politeness and consideration do not take a break during working hours), older men, those of a more prominent stature (supervisor, political superior, etc.) and the handicapped. Basically, a man opens a door for everyone else. One opens a door if he and another person are approaching a door at the same time. People of etiquette knowledge know the rules and will stop to let the proper person open the door first.
2. Anyone entering or exiting a premisis should hold the door for another person approaching same if within a reasonable distance. However, if someone is exiting his car in the parking lot of the super market and you are leaving the building, there is no need to wait for such person.
3. Ladies open doors for older ladies and young children, but not gentlemen, unless very elderly or handicapped.
4. Teens and children should follow the above rules for their appropriate gender with each other, but should always open doors for those who are elder to them, if physically able.
5. Parents should open doors for their children until they are in the pre teen years--then the above rules apply.
6. The person opening a door to a building (public or private) should allow people exiting to come through first. Once the path is clear, he may enter. This rule also applies for elevators.
7. When a man and woman are walking together and approaching a building, the lady should slow down as to allow the man to get the door. If she does not, the situaltion will be awkward.
8. The only tricky exception is if somone is carrying a heavy package, the rules are suspeneded. A lady may get the door for a young, able man in such instance, for example, unless the man is hired, then she does not.

Now, the same rules basically apply for automobiles as well, with the exception of children. Parents should open the doors for their children until they are in the later teen years. They must ensure proper safety precautions are taken with seat belts, etc. until the children are old enough to effectively manage this themselves.

If two or more persons of equality are engaged before a door, it will just be up to them who takes the initiative. However, it is always better to err on the side of politeness. And remember, you never want to be outdone in politeness by someone of a lower class or standing. Heavens! That piece of advice comes from George Washington.

If you have a specific "door situation" you would like me to address, please drop me a line at hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

That is all, my dear reader. Until next time...

HF

Beauty: Tim Gunn...is his style advice always correct?

2007-10-13T19:25:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

I am so invigorated now that I can write to you again on a regular basis! I so missed give out my advice over the summer, despite my complete fulfillment being away. Now we are back to business...let me discuss an item which came to my attention the other evening whilst I was watching a new show on the television, "Tim Gunn's Guide to Style". This is a lovely television show where ordinary people are "spruced up", as it were, to look more like reasonable people with style. Most of the "victims" are not surprisingly, from the New York City metro area. Living in Scarsdale, I have the benefit, or perhaps the unfortunate privilege, of seeing style at its worst, predominantly with the young people around town. The older set has style to perfection, but this younger generation has taken a turn for the worst, even in Bronxville. But, I digress...

This particular episode showed a young pediatrician from the Bronx getting a makeover. She was a petite woman of reasonable charm; however, the dress selected for her on the show by Tim Gunn was too short. One of the dresses selected at the Cynthia Rowley boutique was perfect for her-- a halter dress with the hem just hitting below the knee. It was perfection in fabric and flattered her hourglass, yet longer waisted figure. The dress that Mr. Gunn selected was attractive, but was cut a few inches above the knee. Now Mr. Gunn, I can't think of one person on this planet who has knees atractive enough to advertise. Most people have "a little extra" in the knee/lower thigh area and the length of this dress did not flatter this young doctor in the least. As much as I adore you, Mr. Gunn, I would have selected the halter dress.

Let this be a lesson to my readers...dresses and skirts should hit you at the knee or just below it. Your knees are for function and should not be displayed in public, short of being at the tennis club in your whites.

Isn't that easy? A one step lesson for to-day.

Until next time...

HF

Etiquette: RSVPs

2007-10-12T12:41:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

Well...I must say that I am quite refreshed, having just returned from a nice, long summer away. I hope that you did not miss me too much. I hate to say that I come back already with some material for my column. Are those of you out there reading not quite yet up to par when it comes to my etiquette advice? I think that you are! It is those who are not reading my column who suffer the dread of ill manners and disgusted glares from onlookers. Well...off to the topic of the day...RSVPs.

Dear, do you know that RSVP means? It comes from the French and basically means "please respond". It does not mean "throw away the invitation and forget about it" or "ignore the email asking to reschedule a meeting". It is asking you to do the LEAST you can do--be courteous enough to respond to someone who is asking for your attention. I cannot tell you how absolutely rude it is to ignore someone who is trying to ask for some of your time. Even if you are not sure about an event or a meeting, at least tell the person who is calling for you. She will understand and can at least mark you down as a possibility. Do not, not even for a minute, think that it is the responsbility of the hostess to contact you to find out your response. She is busy about her social engagements and should never have to do that. It is your responsbility, dear reader, to follow up, as any lady would, to your invitations, social or otherwise, promptly and courteously.

Here are some guidelines so you will always be correct:

1. Always respond to the hostess by the date mentioned in the invitation.
2. Respond in kind: paper invites require a paper response; telephone invites require a telephone response, etc.
3. If there is no RSVP date listed, respond within 3 days of receipt of the invitation.

This is so easy, dear. There is no need to ever be in error. The only exception is if you are on holiday when the invitation arrives and you are unable to respond as you are away until after the reply date. Of course, this will be rare as you should have your maid or valet open up your mail whilst you are away.

Good tidings my friends!

Until next time...

HF

Summering in Cuba

2007-05-17T22:08:00.000-05:00

My dears,

I wanted to write to you to-day to let you know that I will be taking a brief hiatus from my post writing as I will be summering in Cuba, leaving tomorrow morning. I hope that you have enjoyed my posts as of late--please take the summertime to review your personal beauty and charm progress and to create plans for continued success once the fall is upon us. I shall return to my lessons when the academic year begins. However, should I be so inspired, I may drop a line or two to you from Cuba should I notice any uproarious behavior during my stay.

Best to you this summer and remember, take care of yourself, mind your manners and your daintiness, and by all means, make yourself attractive looking by wearing clothes that are tasteful and age appropriate, by maximizing the use of cosmetic and toiletry products, and by using that signature fragrance. Yes, "beauty is in the eye of the beholder", but why not have as many beholders as possible!

Until next time...

HF

Beauty: Beauty or Bust, Part II

2007-04-07T21:34:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

To-day's lesson will be a continuation of that which came previosuly, so again gentlemen, please avert your eyes so the ladies can read and learn about the second half of this discreet matter.

I would be remiss if I were to leave out any sort of writing regarding one's bottom half, that is, foundation garments for the lower half of the body. It is just as important for a lady of charm and poise to wear supportive garments on her torso and beyond as it is for her to maintain a good bustline. Here are some tips so you will always be correct:

1. Always wear undergarments on your lower half, always. There is no reason for a lady to walk about with an "unfurnished basement". Save this for the lowly sorry sorts seeking stardom from the press. To walk around "unfinished" is simply nothing but sordid and pedestrian behavior.

2. Always wear undergarments that COVER your lower half. There is no reason to wear furnishings which will reveal too much of your body. You want to have a smooth line from top to bottom: undergarments which are cut too skimpily will only confirm a lack of class. It has been reported and proven that there is a clear relationship between class and undergarment preferences. The less material you wear, the lower your class. There is absolutely NO need for a lady to wear thong underwear. It is simply grotesque. One might as well wear nothing at all. If you decide to wear thong underwear, you might as well set up housekeeping by the nearest bowling alley as you will surely fit in there. Bikini style underwear is only one rung up the ladder, so save your charm and buy nice fitting brief panties.

3. Always wear undergarments which are plain in nature. No animal prints, daisies, etc. You left your teenage years long ago; it is time for you to act as the lady you are becoming. Proper ladies always wear plain undergarments, and undergarments which match. Your brassiere and panties should always be in the same color and should also match your slip. Buy different sets in the following colors: nude, black, and white. You will always be correct and will save time when dressing. If you insist on wearing printed patterns, please discontinue your subscription to my column as there is no longer hope for you, dear. I will see you on the next episode of COPS.

4. When wearing white or beige (or any light color for that matter) outer clothes, always wear undergarments which match your skin tone as not to show through. Of course, we wear nude. Colored women and women of ethnic tendencies should wear darker colors which match their natural skin tone. The converse applies for wearing darker colors. Wear darker undergarments with darker outer clothing, regardless of your skin tone. It looks simply dowdy to see white peeking from underneath a black cashmere sweater!

5. Always wear a slip when wearing a dress or skirt. The slip will give you a nice line and will help your clothes hang better on your body. The slip also prevents any "peekaboo" instances. There still are some men out there who will always be on the lookout for a showing of some skin or even a shadow of what lies in secret.

5. Always wear a girdle. The only exception is if you are under the age of 25 and are in immaculate shape. No one can deny the benefits of this gravity defying miracle. Even those who consider themselves "in shape" can benefit from the extra support. A girdle also eliminates panty lines, another distraction from daintiness. Always wear a panty girdle, even with trousers. If you are wearing a dress or skirt, you will benefit from a full girdle, usually including a brassiere top.

6. Lastly, always wear stockings when wearing a dress, skirt, or trousers. The only times you are free from stockings are when you are engaged in an athletic activity or when sleeping. No one should ever see bare skin on your legs, with the exception of the wearing of a tennis skirt at the club.

Well dear reader, I hope that this lesson has reminded you of your responsibilities in the undergarment department. If you are missing any of these items, by all means, go shopping and at once! Your repuatation depends on it.

Until next time...

HF

Beauty: Beauty or Bust

2007-03-24T12:37:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

To-day we will discuss a topic of a most intimate nature: bust beauty. I shall now ask my male readers to avail their eyes from the remainder of this post, as this is a matter that is most delicate and private, and is for ladies only.

Alright...now that the gentleman have left the room, let's discuss bust beauty. You might think to yourself, "why do I need to care about my brassiere line?". Well, dear reader, take a look around you and notice how unsightly and ungainly so many women keep this part of their form, a part of the body which should be kept in high esteem, as it is one of the main physical atrributes that separates us from the men, and can be one of the more attractive, if properly respected. I will go down the list of some habits you should develop in order to maintain your bust loveliness...

1. Ladies of poise and charm never show cleavage during the daylight hours, and only a hint after dark, and only in the most formal of circumstances, i.e, a charity ball, not a Junior League committee meeting and certainly not at the office, if you do have the unfortunate circumstance of having to work. If you do nothing else, dear, keep yourself modestly covered in this area. Now, I do not mean to say here that you should outfit yourself in unattractive, boyish, or ill-fitting clothes, but rather ensure that your neckline does not reveal too much of your "personality". Yes, I know that Marilyn did it, but she also had three husbands...hmmm...need I say more? If you want to keep your reputation out of the gutter, guard your daintiness.

2. Playtex recently advertised that 70% of women are wearing an incorrectly sized brassiere. No wonder the bustlines of America are compromised! Dear, get yourself to a good corsetier and be properly measured. A proper fit is the first step in bust beauty. We have all witnessed the woman with her bust pouring out of her brassiere--what a shame; even a slender girl appears to be chubby in this situation. Watch out for the back fat as well!

3. Once you have been properly fitted for your foundation garments, wear those which enhance your bustline. Unless you are expecting or nursing a child, always wear brassieres with underwire, regardless of your cup size. The wire gives you that little "lift" that you need to appear toned and feminine. The shape you want is round. No more are the days where we ironed our brassieres to points like the missiles being sent overseas to get those Germans! Round and natural, albeit a little uplifted, is the key.

4. Find brassieres which are seamless in the cup area. With the invention of more delicate materials in garments, seams on brassieres, even when properly covered with a camisole, still show through. This not only makes you look like an old lady, but it also detracts from your bust beauty. You do not want people looking at your chest (they really should not be looking at all if they are of any sort of breeding) because they notice your seams!

5. Wear brassieres made of silken fabrics. I am sure that you have noticed the woman walking around with a portion of her blouse or shirt bunched up over her brassiere because the fabric does not glide delicately over her foundation garments. Cotton is comfortable, but try corsets which are made of nylon or silk so your clothes hang well. Save your cotton corsets for when you are wearing heavier or lined fabrics.

6. Exercise when possible and try to make it a part of your daily routine. Strength training in the upper chest area really gives your bust a lift! Don't overdo it, however. You don't want to look like one of those women on the front cover of "Bodybuilder" Magazine. Poor dears! They are so misguided--they think that they appear attractive--they really just look like men.

7. Finally, stand up straight! Do not be ashamed of your bustline. Good posture can only enhance your femininity and poise. Also, any cup size over a B should be housed in a "minimizer" brassiere. Ask your corsetier about this. You certainly don't want to appear like those misguided women who look like they are carrying around a pair of watermelons under their blouses.

Well dear, I hope that this posting has put your on your way to bustline beauty. I fully expect to see a reformation of bustlines in the next few weeks.

Until next time...

HF

Charm: Personality--the "P" in "P's and Q's"

2007-03-12T12:02:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

What a lovely day this has been to-day! The northeast finally has some nicer weather and I have all of the windows open in my home. Of course, the heat is on as well, but really, money is meant to be spent, isn't it? The fresh air has inspired me to write to you about the fragrance of your personality...so let us not delay...

I cannot stress enough how important it is for you to develop a charming and gracious personality. Even if mother nature has not blessed you with such, a shame dear, really, it is your responsibility to make efforts to develop one that is pleasing to others. No one wants to be associated with someone who is a "wet mop" or someone who is negative and complains all of the time. It is time to turn over your leaf and become the cheerful and positive person that I know you can be. You want to be a person who attracts others and makes friends easily. Let's face it: the Scarsdale Charity League is not looking for "sour puss Sally" to join! It also wouldn't hurt to catch that suitor you have been after! Let's take a look at some of the following tips to help you on your way to personality perfection:

1. If you are a "gloomy gus", find out what is making you so. Are there some other flaws in your life which bring you down? Well, pick up yourself by your boot straps and get moving. If it is exercise you need, start walking. If you have a bland face and appearance, by all means, see a beauty specialist and get some of that new lipstick and beauty cream. If you have some circumstances in your life which are making your demeanor less than appealing to others, change them, or at least get those lemons out and start squeezing. You need to make positives out of all of the negatives in your life. It is how you respond to what comes your way which can help you strengthen your outlook. Perhaps contact your clergyman and see if he has anything to say about it. Have a positive attitude!

2. Are you boring? Do you offend others with a sarcastic or off-color sense of humor? Well, the remedy here is to find some interests that you can share with others, without offending them. Try some new activities in your life to make it more exciting. You can only discuss your garden for so long, dear. Try a new sport or or hobby. You will feel better about yourself and make some new friends, too. Stay current with what is happening in the world, even if you only can view 20 minutes of the morning news. Be interesting!

3. Are you rude or lacking in manners? Well, the first solution is to read my posts, and weekly! You cannot allow these personality flaws to continue. Once you are current in your reading, take some etiquette and dance classes at your local community center or, if you have a charming and poised friend, invite her over for tea and some manners lessons. You also need to remove youself from any circle of friends with these characteristics. Beauty is as beauty does--associate with people who are lovely and charming...osmosis is a wonderful thing!

4. Now that you have gotten beyond your circumstances, you need to keep that positive outlook each and every day. EVERY day when you wake up, put yourself together and try to be your beauty best, even if you are ill. Most people are much happier if they take care of their appearance. Take a beauty bath, get dressed, put on some makeup and perfume, and smile at yourself in the mirror. You are worth the time it takes to prepare for the day. Don't listen to "speedy Susan" who can get ready in 5 minutes. She probably looks it, too! Take at least an hour every day for yourself.

5. Smile, smile, smile (and by all means, have your teeth whitened, if needed). Smiling is contagious. Others will enjoy being around a person who is positive and happy. Now, don't over do it--there is no need to be fake. As you take my tips under advisement, the positivity in your life will come naturally.

Well dear reader, I did enjoy a late start to my morning to-day. I am going to enjoy a beauty bath of my own and a cup of tea, of course with milk and sugar.

Until next time...

HF

Charm: Hen-Pecked Henry

2007-03-02T01:00:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

I could not avail myself of sleep tonight without writing to you about a certain subject. I simply must tell you of a situation I encountered at the doctor's office the other day. I was sitting in the waiting room, charmingly of course, when I overheard a woman belittling her husband, most likely of 50 years or so, and telling him what to do in a most ungracious manner. I was appalled at her behavior as I shared a "knowing glance" with one of the other waiting room patrons. This woman, definitely NOT a lady, was treating her husband terribly and was showing her lack of decorum in a most unbecoming manner. She threw on her own coat in haste as her elderly husband was trying to gather his belongings and walked up to the reception desk to check out at least five or six paces IN FRONT of her husband. What a disgrace. The lesson to be learned here is simply this: ladies, you must respect your husbands!

Now, let's move on to more detail. I cannot express how important it is for a lady to treat her husband well and to respect him, especially in public. I do understand that some husbands leave something to be desired, but dear, you should have known that before you married him and should have made better decisions! I am speaking here of your average, decent husband, although this advice will work on even the most ungentlemanly of men out there. Do you think for even a second that your husband works hard all day at the office wanting to come home to hear you squawking about mishaps of the day? Do you think that you husband enjoys your critiques of him, just as he is sitting down to relax from a hard day of business, or at any time of day, for that matter? Absolutely not. Now dear, I know the days of putting a ribbon in your hair before your husband comes home are long gone, and I know that we have supposedly been "liberated", but dear, really, do you think that disrespectful behaviors such as these are going to endear yourself to your husband? They certainly aren't going to get you that mink you have been eyeing! Especially for those of us who have the opportunity to leave the workplace to stay at home with our families--do you realize that your husband's efforts are what are allowing you such a lifestyle? Why in the world are you going to undermine him and emasculate him by your bossy comments and recommendations? My dear, we have so much to discuss! For the sake of brevity, I will provide a few pointers to keep your husband happy and your marriage in tip top shape:

1. Always speak well of your husband, especially in public.
2. Always treat your husband as you would want to be treated. There are times when each of us can annoy another person (although they will become few and far between if you follow the advice in my posts), but never let your frustration be shown in public. If you need to address a certain issue, by all means, use the privacy of your own home to do so.
3. Never greet your husband with your problems at the door when he comes home from his business. Unless your home has just recently been torched to the ground by a housefire, let him enjoy a cup of coffee or tea that you have lovingly prepared for him. Let him have some unwinding time after a hard day at the office, if only for a few minutes. When you come home from a long day of charity meetings and spa appointments, don't you like a few minutes to yourself?
4. Never give your husband a "honey-do list" on his day off or on the weekends, or ever for that matter. Your husband knows what needs to be done around the house. Let him decide when the work is to be done. If you are frustrated by something not getting done, by all means, hire out the work and surprise him!
5. If your husband is not the handy sort, you poor dear, don't nag him about this deficiency. Each man has specific strengths and weaknesses. Again, do the job yourself or by all means, hire it out. But--do not nag your husband about it.
6. Always remember that your husband is the head of the family. This means that you are to show respect for him, not only in front of others in public, but more importantly, in front of your children at home. Your children learn respect for others by what they witness on a daily basis in the home.
7. Let your husband know that he is special in every room of the house.

Ladies, trust Mrs. Fillmore, you will reap the rewards of your changed behavior toward your husbands. Treat him like a gentleman and the favor will surely be returned. You will find that your husband will be more frequently "at the ready" to open doors for you, to help you with your coat, and to pull your chair out for you at home and at the club. If you make your husband feel like a "man", he will feel confident about himself and will be much more eager to treat you like the "lady" that you are becoming. Add a touch of that signature fragrance and some lipstick and there will be no stopping you!

Until next time...

HF

Charm: Poise with Public Speaking

2007-02-25T19:41:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

To-day's lesson will address the issue of how to appear your best when speaking in public, that is, in front of an audience. The most important thing to remember is that you want to connect with your audience (in order for them to accept or at least consider the points you are trying to make). In order to do this, one must be conscious of the following:

1. Dress appropriately--no one wants to listen to someone who is dressed sloppily or looks unkempt. This removes credibility from your message.

2. Speak clearly and concisely. Use a pleasant speaking voice which proves to be on the lower side of the vocal range. No one wants to listen to someone with a high, squeaky voice. Deliver a positive feel with your message; avoid a whiny tone in your voice as it will only grate on the nerves of your listeners. Additionally, if you have an accent which may be perceived as unpleasant by anyone, i.e., anything north of the Mason-Dixon line (especially New Jersey or any of the non-Manhattan NYC boroughs) or west of the Mississippi, with the exception of Texas and California, invest in some elocution lessons to rid youself of this distraction. Typically, the thicker the accent, the lower the social class and the fewer years of higher education, especially in the northern or mid western states--this is not always the case, but surely is very often.

3. Present your message in a clear, non dramatic way. Avoid the use of extremes in your language, as you will only invoke the rolls of many an eye during your presentation. Stick with the facts and do not try to use false, persuasive language to capture your audience.

4. Try not to overuse gestures while speaking. It is very distracting and only makes one appear to be having spasms. A few here and there are acceptable, but do keep count.

5. Keep your comments short, unless you are delivering a presentation of an academic nature. Make your point(s) and then finish up.

Well dear, I hope that these few tips will assist you when you next make a presentation or must speak briefly to an audience. Again, remember to connect with your audience and you may make a few "connections" of your own!

Until next time...

HF

Dear Hildegarde: Your Questions Answered

2007-02-20T19:07:00.000-05:00

Dear Mrs. Fillmore,

I read your post about perfume and really liked it. I want to start having a signature fragrance, but am not sure how to proceed. My grandmother has some perfume that she wore that she gave me some years ago, and I like it. I think that I would like to use it as my signature fragrance, too. Is that OK?

Sincerely,

Smelling Sweet

Dear Sweet,

Thank you for your post. It is acceptable to have the same signature fragrance as another, as long as you have selected it because of your own liking and not because you want to smell like or copy the other person. It would be just short of stalking otherwise!

Now, it is also important to wear the fragrance every day. Make sure that you don't let perfume go to waste by waiting for the "perfect moment" or a "special occasion" to wear it. You are to be beautiful and to smell lovely every day of your life. Don't leave your perfume bottle unattended except for twice a year. Perfume does spoil after about a year's time, so use it up or, I am afraid, you will have to throw it out. If you are coming very close to the "expiration date" and have not enough days to use up your fragrance, think of other clever ways to scent your life: add some to your laundry, to your bath water, to your bed linens, etc. I even add that fragrant touch to my canine every now and then and have been known to use even the most expensive of fragrances for room freshening.

Now dear, find that special signature fragrance of yours and don't leave home without it!

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com

Beauty: Scent of a Lady

2007-02-14T13:11:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

To-day's lesson will cover the use of fragrance. Fragrance is essential to the poise and charm of a lady, not to mention her well being in general. A lady never leaves her home without donning a bit of perfume (even to go to a committee meeting). Without it, she is practically naked, almost like leaving home without wearing her pearls. Heavens! Let this never happen to you!

Now, on to our lesson. It is very important for a lady to select a signature fragrance which is becoming to her personality and body type. A perky, young athlete should not be choosing a heavy oriental fragrance, but rather a light, sporty one. The converse is true: you would not see a queenly type wearing a sporty, youthful fragrance. Fragrances will fall into one of several categories: oriental, floral, green, etc. It is best for one to go to the local department store and try on a few at a time. Do not, however, let the sales lady talk you into buying one right away. Walk around the store for about 30 minutes to see how the fragrance oils react with your skin. Sometimes, the sweetest smelling floral will smell like dead flowers in a matter of minutes on the wrong person. Once you have selected the fragrance for you, stick with it--it is to become your signature fragrance that will endear yourself to others for years. Considering that you would like to have a signature fragrance, it may be wise to select a perfume that has been around for a time, such as anything by Estee Lauder or CHANEL. It would be horrible for you to fall in love with one, only to have it be discontinued next season. My signature fragrance is CHANEL No. 22 and I have worn it for years. It was created in 1928 and is still around. Bravo!

Additionally, consider purchasing some ancillary products, such as bath oil, cream, and powder in the same fragrance. Do not use all of these products at once (lest you offend), but rather choose two (one should be your perfume itself) to keep your fragrance fresh smelling all day long. Also, remember that perfume (parfum) has the highest concentration of oil, followed by Eau de Toilette and then Cologne. The more oil, the more expensive the purchase, but the longer your loveliness will last!

A point here to take--even the loveliest of fragrances will not do if it is applied to an unclean person. One must be bathtime fresh and have clean hair in order for the fragrance to maximize one's loveliness. Perfume should be applied on a clean person wearing a clean, fresh smelling costume and NEVER used to cover up one's lack of personal hygiene. Apply the perfume delicately to your pulse points: behind the ears, on the neck, behind the knees, and in the crook of the arms. If you are wearing a high quality parfum, just a few dabs will do. Nowadays, you may even put a few drops in your laundry water. Lastly, put a few dabs on your hair--you never know when you will be getting close to a special suitor.

Best of luck, my dear. Choose your signature perfume and you will always have something to add to your Christmas list!

Until next time...

HF

Etiquette: Lopez Mistakenly Congratulates Miss America 2006

2007-02-05T16:59:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

One of my favorite television programs for my children growing up was the Miss America pageant. I have been watching it since 1943 and haven't missed a year. My mother used to make egg creams for my children and we would all gather around the television and watch the glamour as a family. Much has happened with the pageant lately; it just isn't what it used to be. We are drawn to so many other television opportunities that such a show has simply lost its luster. What a shame...

To my point to-day, I wanted to note an egregious error made by the host of the 2007 Miss America pageant, Mr. Mario Lopez. Although Mr. Lopez was a charming host for the majority of the pageant festivities, he made one mistake--he congratulated Miss America 2006 when she announced her betrothal and upcoming nuptials. Any true gentleman knows that it is most impolite to congratulate a lady on the announcement of her engagement, as if it were some unfathomable feat for her to obtain a man. Any other salutation would be appropriate here, e.g., "best wishes", "how wonderful", etc. Congratulations are always in order, however, for the groom-to-be.

Keep reading my posts as not to make etiquette mistakes. You never know when you may be on live television!

Until next time...

HF

Etiquette: Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend, but Not Before 6:00 pm...

2007-01-30T14:34:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

I have recently been the recipient of numerous questions regarding jewelry; therefore, I will dedicate to-day's lesson to the discussion of diamond watches. What are the rules? Read on...

A diamond watch is simply not practical for the following two reasons:

1. Persons of status never wear a watch after 6:00 pm. If one is a person of social standing in the community and of stature, why need she bother about the time? The evening is hers and she has no place to be in the morning, short of her yacht or a Junior League committee meeting, which would never begin before morning cocktails anyway.

2. Diamonds are not to be worn by persons of class BEFORE 6:00 pm (other than an engagement ring). Does the reader see the dilemma here?

Do yourself a favor...forego the diamond watch and get yourself a stainless Rolex. Problem solved.

Until next time...

HF

Charm: He Who Has an Ear, Let Him Hear!

2007-01-21T14:24:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

I just love it when I can come home from some event and have something simply scandalous about which to write. It just makes my day and it is all the more knowledge for you! On to our lesson...

My very polite, gentlemanly, and confederate husband and I returned home a while ago from morning church services. During the service, I was shocked to see an otherwise charming and poised lady cleaning her ear right in front of me with the arm of her reading glasses! I would have fallen out of my chair agasp if it weren't for my strong suitor sitting next to me. Because of my normally poised nature, of course, I was quickly able to regain my composure, but know dear reader, I was making a mental note of the occurrence just for you.

Here is our lesson for today: no public grooming. If you have an unfortunate itch somewhere on your person, please excuse yourself from public view to remedy the situation. No one wants to see someone with her keys in her ear, scratching her person, etc. Unfortunately today, ladies no longer wear gloves, so one is forced to shake hands against bare skin. Would you want to shake hands with someone who just had her hands in her hair, her ears, or any other place for that matter? I certainly would not want to pick up that lady's reading glasses, the ocular assistors now having explored the depths of her "eerie" canal!

Ladies, I am afraid that this is a topic which will need to be reviewed from time to time. However, in the meantime, think about how you would feel if you saw some of these public grooming actions. Would you ever want someone else to be thinking those things about you? Keep those hands at bay--in your lap, folded daintily.

Until next time...

HF

Charm: Rosie and "The Donald"

2007-01-19T22:04:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

As you know, I try to avoid judging specific (i.e., named) people in my posts, but rather discuss the sordid behavior of those around me in an anonymous way, as anything else just wouldn't be proper. However, to-day, I see no reason why I should not address this very public and unfortunate feud going on in the media. Many of you might be confused as to what is happening in pop culture to-day--no wonder--there is nothing "cultural" about it.

Now, onto our lesson. There is a great point to be made here and a good lesson for everyone: money and class do not necessarily sport a direct relationship. Look how obnoxiously both Ms. O'Donnell and Mr. Trump have been behaving: calling each other negative names, making moral judgments upon one another--and the worst of it--all within view of the public eye. I guess that their mothers never instructed them properly regarding the airing of one's dirty laundry. Regardless, note that both of these persons have full bank accounts and probably many investments; however, there is not one shred of class to be found between the two of them. No proper lady or gentleman of breeding would ever behave in such a ludicrous manner. Breeding is simply that. Regardless of one's bank account, one simply cannot make a silk purse out of a sow's ear, short of following my advice, of course.

So, my advice to you, dear reader, is to take heart. Do not be discouraged if you do not make a good living or if you have no inheritance before you. If it is your desire to be a beautifully poised and charming lady, fear not, simply follow the advice in my posts and you will find yourself transformed. For those who have had the benefit of trust accounts but have been affected by recent poor investments, take heart as well. Class remains--a lady is a lady regardless of the size of her purse. But, do seek some more reliable financial counsel in the future, dear.

Until next time...

HF

Beauty: Estee Lauder Passes the Test

2007-01-06T12:26:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

It has been quite some time since I have posted in the "beauty" category, so I thought I would revisit it at this time. I have seen so many more breaches of etiquette and charm recently that I haven't had the time to address some fundamental beauty issues. Take heart, dear reader--I will not let you down in this area. Read on...

As some of you know, I consider myself a slave to my beauty regimen, although not necessarily to a specific line of products. I like to try different beauty creams and the like, in an effort to always keep you current on my findings. Well, to-day I must firmly compliment the Estee Lauder line of products for their keen innovation and sensible mainstay of products that truly work to promote loveliness, beauty, and charm. All ladies of charm should take a regular beauty cream, but now there are so many other products on the market to enhance one's loveliness--it would really be a shame to overlook them:

Estee Lauder Perfectly Clean Cleanser
Estee Lauder Idealist Skin Refining Treatment
Estee Lauder Idealist Eye Serum
Estee Lauder Day Wear Anti-oxidant Beauty Cream
Estee Lauder Advanced Night Repair Concentrate
Estee Lauder Re-Nutriv Cream
Estee Lauder Idealist Micro D Skin Refinisher

All of these products work fascinatingly well together. Head over to your local beauty counter to-day and collect some samples. If there were some better beauty products available for your loveliness program, wouldn't you want to try them? Gather an arsenal of products and treatments which work for you and use them regularly. The benefits of your increasing beauty will surely outweigh the time it takes for your program.

Until next time...

HF

www.esteelauder.com

Dear Hildegarde: Your Questions Answered

2007-01-03T21:12:00.000-05:00

Dear Mrs. Fillmore,

I have a few coworkers who are having babies in the Spring. I told my wife that "so and so" from the office was pregnant and she quickly rebuked me, telling me that I was using a vulgar word and that I should say, "expecting". I never thought that "pregnant" was a bad word. What is she talking about?

Sincerely,

Pregnant with Anticipation

Dear Mr. Anticipation,

Thank you so very much for your post. It is lovely to have male readers come to me for advice. So many men today try to fare on their own innate knowledge. It is nice to hear from you to-day. What is needed here is a lady's touch...

Now, to the question at hand. Just as a measurable difference exists between a "woman" and a "lady" (and may I say that any female who does not know the difference between the two would fall into the "woman" category), the same is present between the words "pregnant" and "expecting" (or "with child", "in a family way", "going to have a baby", etc.). The word "pregnant" in and of itself is not vulgar or bad, but it has its time and place, like the doctor's office. It should not be used in mixed company or around children. It just sounds common and too clinical, more like a feared diagnosis than a celebration of the birth of a child. There are many more polite alternatives to share the good news.

Now, it is important that you practice the usage of your new vocabulary. To say to your wife that someone is "expecting", for example, will seem awkward and uncomfortable at first, just because you are not used to it, but after a time, it will be music to your wife's ears. Just as it is uncomfortable for a factory worker to don a suit and tie for special occasions, over time, he becomes more comfortable in it, especially if the people with whom he surrounds himself are doing the same. If you are a lady of charm and poise (or one who is studying along this path--good for you!) who wants to class climb, follow the same rule.

Hildegarde's further advice on "class climbing": Associate with those with whom you would like to be associated. Sometimes it takes work, but you can get there if you are diligent in following my advice on beauty, etiquette, and charm. Take heart lady readers--the higher the climb, the larger the ring!

Happy New Year to all!

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Etiquette: Hostess Gifts

2006-12-15T13:06:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

To-day's post is a rather exclusive one, geared toward those ladies who have been invited to a certain luncheon in town tomorrow. I could not arrive at this event tomorrow not having prepared the rest of you to arrive in the same manner as I will--with gift in hand!

Whenever a lady of charm and poise is invited to someone's home for a meal, she must ALWAYS bring a hostess gift along with her. Typically, for an evening meal, this is a bottle of wine, a special dessert, flowers, or some nice personal gift (like a favorite perfume, etc., but only if you are close, personal friends) for the lady of the house. It is a way to thank the hostess in advance for the invitation. Ladies, please, I will be taking notes tomorrow to see how many of you pass the grade. It is such a small thing to ask of you--please do not disappoint.

Now, referring to one of my previous posts, after the event has taken place, it is most important that a lady of taste write a thank you note to the hostess, complimenting her on the fine event and on the "lovely time" that she had. This is the least that one must do. One may additionally send a nice bouquet of flowers as well, and even before the event.

Dear reader, I hope to see you in full charming form tomorrow, with gift in hand, a well put together costume, and a perfectly applied make-up. Don't forget those few dabs of perfume, too!

Until next time...

HF

Charm: Hate to Eat and Run

2006-12-09T20:53:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

To-day's post is one that is a definite "must read". I hope that you will take the time to-day to allow my words to penetrate your thoughts--one must never make the mistake I am about to describe...

To-day's topic is not about eating and running, but rather eating and motoring, or eating anywhere in public outside of a restaurant, for that matter. Oh reader, always remember that food and beverage are meant to be consumed in one's private home, a private club, or in a restaurant. How uncivilized it is to see people motoring around in their cars or walking on the street while eating or drinking. It is most disgusting. These sordid actions send the message that "I don't have enough money or class to enjoy elixirs and edibles at a civil, leisurely pace". Those of the higher classes have plenty of time to enjoy the finer things. It is those of the lower brow who must always rush around, trying to get from one place to the next, trying to make ends meet or because of poor organization. These are those who end up having to "eat and run". It simply isn't worth it, dear reader, especially if you want to project a polished, charming demeanor. A carefree attitude is the prescription needed here. Even if you don't have the funds to pursue a less hectic lifestyle, by all means, at least be organized enough about your daily routine to appear that you do. No gentleman of charm is in want to pursue a maiden who is too busy to "slow down" and have concern about his own needs. And it is all about caring for those gentleman that God would place in our paths, isn't it? Press on, dear reader. You will one day thank me for my advice, and I will send you a wink and a smile as I see you walk down that aisle to wedded happiness.

Until next time...

HF

Etiquette: Doggie Bags, Carry Out, and To Go Boxes Revisited

2006-11-14T22:26:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

I regret to say that I have the unfortunate task of having to revisit one of my posts. Apparently, my readership has not taken hold of my advice (please see my post of the same name from March 20th of this year) as I witnessed a most dreadful breach of etiquette at a bridal luncheon not just a few weeks ago. It is almost to scandalous to write about, but dear reader, for the benefit of all, I will swallow my pride and march ahead.

I simply must reiterate the pedestrian quality of a person who requests a "doggy bag", "to-go box", or a "carry out" anything from a restaurant. I will not completely repeat myself on this matter; please read my previous post. I do, however, wish to amend by addition that which I have already addressed. This most dreadful thing that happened was that two ladies at this bridal luncheon had to leave early to attend another engagement. These things do happen--this was not the problem. The problem was that the dessert course had not yet been served at the luncheon and these ladies had the audacity to ask the waiter for their desserts "to go". When I heard this request, I was so mortified I could hardly move. As I was daintily gasping for air while I sat listening to this absurdity, I had to say a little prayer to regain my composure. I am so glad that Emily Post was not present to hear this egregious error. It is horrid enough to ask for food "to go" when you are retreating from your own family table, but to ask for one at a social gathering, especially one for such a celebrated occasion, is beyond contempt. I was embarrassed for the hostess of the event as well as for the guest of honor. Judging by what these ladies wore to the luncheon, it was no surprise that they made such a request (see my previous post about Dressing When Out). I try not to "judge a book by its cover", but when I have, I have never been incorrect.

Ladies, please, I implore you, keep up with your reading of my columns. You always want to be correct about your behavior as not to make others feel uncomfortable. Know that the art of manners is for the benefit of others, not for elevating yourself. There is surely a black mark next to these ladies' names in many an address book now, unfortunately. Don't let this happen to you, dear reader. Stay true to the rules and you will be welcome at any party.

Until next time...

HF

Etiquette: Soup's On

2006-11-03T09:10:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

My, it has been quite some time since I have shared my knowledge with you! I apologize, but I have been abroad and busy these last few months. But now, I hope to be back to my column on a more regular basis. You understand, dear, the busy life of a socialite. You, too, can acheive this lifestyle as I have; it won't take much time at all if you follow my advice to the letter!

To-day's lesson is that of how to consume soup. As the crisp, wintery months approach, I am sure that many of you will offer soups and stews to your families, and it is most important that they know how to enjoy these delightful dishes. Firstly, soups and stews should be served in a bowl, not on a plate. I know that some feel that if a stew is hearty enough, it may be served on a plate. Not so. All one is left with is a mess. These dishes shall be eaten with a place spoon (not a teaspoon) and the spoon should ALWAYS collect the soup/stew as you push the spoon away from you, not toward you. The spoon is then delicately lifted upward to the area in front of your mouth (you are sitting up straight in your chair, of course). Then, you may place the spoon in your mouth and eat the soup. Never, ever, suck the soup or stew off of the spoon; this is most ungracious to your host and utterly rude behavior. Eating is a quiet activity. Continue these actions until you have emptied the bowl. Now, there is always a little remainder of soup left in the bottom. That is exactly where it is to stay, unless the hostess has provided you with a soup with handles--in this instance only, you may pick up the bowl and drink from it directly. Although this is acceptable, I still feel that it is a little undignified. You wouldn't see QE II performing such a sordid action at a state dinner!

I hope that to-day's lesson will assist you in your program. Press on, dear! You will achieve your beauty and charming best!

Until next time...

HF

Etiquette: Which Comes First, the Present or the Card?

2006-08-13T21:30:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

To-day's lesson comes about as a result of the myriad of social engagements I had to attend this weekend. Mrs. Fillmore's social calendar is always so full of lovely invitations! See, reader, this will happen to you as well if you follow my practical advice. You will always be on a guest list somewhere!

Now to the question at hand...when receiving a gift, is it proper to open the card first, or the present first? Well...I dare say that this is no dilemma, but I will explain for those of you not traveled so far along in your loveliness program. Persons of charm and grace will always open the card first for this very reason: it is always polite to announce the presenter of the gift before opening it. Here is an example so you will always be correct: open the card accompanying gift #1 and read it thoughtfully, although not aloud (the giver may have written a personal sentiment inside that is to be kept private), and then announce to your guests, "Ahhh...this gift is from my dear Uncle Ken. How thoughtful". Of course, everyone knows that Uncle Ken gives very tasteful and classic gifts, so he will wait in great anticipation as you delicately peel open the gloriously wrapped package. If one waits until the package has been opened to announce the giver, the chances that the card has been lost in the discarded wrapping are all too great, leaving the bearer unnoticed and feeling downtrodden and you embarrassed as you clumsily dig through the rubble, trying to give credit where credit is due. So the answer is: card first!

Some other tips about receiving gifts:

1. ALWAYS make a positive comment about the gift, even if it is the most dreadful thing you have ever seen in your life! The bearer must feel appreciated and warmly thanked. A thank you note is always appropriate for later on, even if the gift were opened in the presence of the giver.

2. NEVER announce the amount of money or gift card/cheque given within a card. This is for the recipient's eyes only and it is more than tacky to announce to your guests any financial information that might be contained within the card. Politely thank the giver. You may announce to the group that you received a gift card to such and such store or that you received some money for such and such a purpose, but NEVER the amount. The only time it is appropriate to announce an amount is if you are a check girl at the five and ten or if you are comparing notes with your tax accountant.

Dear reader, I wish you pleasant party-going over these last few summer days.

Until next time...

HF

Charm: Daughters of the American Revolution

2006-08-06T21:00:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

To-day's lesson is one of patriotism and valor. It is always becoming for a lady to support her nation with pride. One can never err when supporting its nation or troops. I must warn the lady who would become one of charm that a true lady of breeding never speaks ill about the President, especially in public, regardless of her personal feelings about him or his work. We are to support and pray for those in leadership among us.

Now, having gotten that out into the open, I would encourage ladies of charm, both young and old, to help spread the feeling of patriotism for our great nation by joining a local historical, patriotic, or civic society. I personally would recommend the Daughters of the American Revolution. Those ladies do such excellent work and have such a lovely and charming motto: "God, Home, and Country". They have been around since 1890! You could also become a member of an auxilliary of a local Foreign or American Legion and support the men who are members.

Visit the DAR's fine website for more information: www.dar.org.

Until next time...

HF

Charm: How to Dress When Out

2006-06-16T23:45:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

To-day's lesson is that of a dressing nature. We are not speaking to-day about salad condiments, but rather of one's clothing appearance, especially when out. My grandmother always said that one can tell a man's class by the way he dresses. It is not as true today, unfortunately, as many a man with great wealth can be seen walking the street in short pants! Conversely, there are so many discount retailers which sell reasonably styled clothing (although the fabric leaves something to be desired), that the man of little means can seem to portray a somewhat tailored appearance. Even so, there is a standard that one should keep when out. Here are a few rules to live by (for women):

1. Ladies should always have a smart outfit when out. Leave the jeans and casual trousers/sweat pants at home for days when you are working on your garden or performing housecleaning tasks. Women older than college age should never wear denim. Jeans are for students, not for well bred ladies; again, the gardening/cleaning caveat applies. Clothing should also be properly sized and in good condition, no tears, missing buttons, etc.

2. Shoes (and all clothing for that matter) should be made of natural materials and should always be polished and/or clean, as the case may be. Athletic shoes shall only be worn on the courts or when playing sports.

3. Ladies ALWAYS wear stockings with skirts. It is very unlady-like to show bare skin on the legs, unless of course one is sunbathing, in which case, she should also have a cover up to maintain her modesty and daintiness.

4. Ladies should dress appropriately for their age. Have you heard the expression, "Mutton dressing as lamb"? I see it all too often. Women in their 40s dressing like women in their 20s. You aren't fooling anyone, dear. If you are 40, dress like you are 40. If you are in your 30s, give up the "student" attire and dress like the confident lady you are becoming.

5. If you are not at your fitness best, please wear a foundation garment (or two) underneath your clothing. No one wants to see your unsightly bulges or loose skin. Take a look at some older films when women wore these garments constantly. Don't they look smart? They all look firm and toned, and hardly any of them exercised. Take a tip here, dear. Get a girdle and you will look just as smart. If you can't stand the idea of foundation garments, then off to the gym you go!

6. All ladies wear petticoats or other silken undergarments when wearing sheer clothing. Never leave your home wearing a sheer blouse without taking care of this important detail. Otherwise, you will be viewed as grotesque.

7. All ladies wear understated jewelry, and never more than three pieces at a time (watches and wedding rings do not count). When you get dressed, look in the mirror and twirl around. When you stop, see which piece of jewelry catches your eye, and then take it off. Now you look balanced!

8. Lastly, remember that you are your own best advertisement. Have a friend take a snapshot of you and study it carefully. Is the image on the photograph one that you are pleased about presenting to the world? You never know who could be watching you. Why not send out an ad that some future suitor will want to answer?

Until next time...

HF

Dear Hildegarde: Your Questions Answered

2006-05-26T13:05:00.000-05:00

Dear Mrs. Fillmore,

I have a question...I have a friend who always talks on her cell phone when we are together or out at a restaurant. I don't think that the calls are emergencies, either. It makes me feel like she does not value my time and that bothers me. What should I do about this?

Sincerely,

Hung Up on Cell Phones

Dear Hung Up,

Thank you for your post. Here is my new phrase, "Listen to your Auntie Mabel, get your cell phones off the table!". I do think that despite the convenience of modern technologies, our lives are more interrupted than ever. A cell phone seems to be a necessary item these days, and an especially convenient one in the event of an emergency, especially one of a motoring nature. I do feel however, that the use of cell phones should be limited to times when one has an urgent need or when one needs to be available, that is, a parent of a young child at home with a babysitter, a doctor, etc., or when one is not engaged with the company of another. It is most rude to carry on a conversation on the cell phone when you are sitting at a restaurant with a friend, in a movie theater, or anywhere else, for that matter, when others are present. You would not leave a friend at a restaurant to go to the public telephone to have a social conversation, so why would you insist on having one on your cell phone at the table? This shows a lack of consideration for your friend, and for others in the establishment. Trust me, no one is interested in hearing another's phone conversation.

If one is either at home or out with another, whether it be family or friends, please turn off the cell phone. For most of us, there is nothing so important that it cannot wait an hour or so. Show some consideration for others with you and around you--subscribe to voice mail and turn off that phone.

Now, as far as confronting your friend about the situation, you may be as explicit as need be, and simply state to her something of this nature--perhaps you and she should get together at another time when she is not so busy. There isn't really anything else you can say without coming across as demanding. Perhaps she will get the message, perhaps not. It is up to you to determine if this friendship is worth keeping. If it is, you may want to be more forthcoming with how her cell phone usage when you are together is making you feel.

Best of luck! Write back and let me know your results!

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefilmore@hotmail.com.

Etiquette: Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary, Where Does Your Napkin Go?

2006-05-08T17:45:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

To-day's lesson is on the correct placement of the most useful of table accoutrements, the napkin, or serviette for the Canadian readers. Many have erred on the use of the napkin, so let's address this at once so you will be properly informed for your next dining occasion.

Firstly, it is important to use napkins whenever dining. I know of many a man who succumbs to the use of paper towels for his dabbing needs, but dear reader, this will not do! Invest in some linen damask napkins and keep them always at the ready. For a backyard barbecue, you may use some nice quality paper napkins.

When setting the table, the napkin is placed to the left of the silver, which is placed directly to the left of the dinner plate. You may also place the folded napkin in the center of the dinner plate. Do not place the silver directly on the napkin as this will cause you to have to move the silver to obtain the napkin, an ungainly and unnecessary step.

Of course, one must always follow her hostess' lead, but always place your napkin in your lap when you sit down at the table, unless of course, you are having cocktails first. Your napkin should be opened once at the fold, and placed caringly into your lap. Never make the mistake of tucking your napkin in your collar! This is in such bad taste that I cannot explain further. You will look like a dock worker if you do this. If you are wearing your best silk blouse, then eat cautiously, dear--don't detract from your loveliness by decorating yourself with a bib! Heavens!

If you must get up from the table during the meal, place your napkin in your chair as you leave, not on the table. No one eating wants to see your soiled linens, so remember this important step. When you return to the table, collect your napkin and place it back into your lap. When the meal is over, you may place your napkin on the table. When placing your napkin on the table at this time, it should be put on the table as it falls. Do not fold your napkin back into any sort of form; this shows that you are not used to servants collecting the linens and that you are used to cleaning up after yourself. Even if you are, don't let your little secret out!

Until next time...

HF

Dear Hildegarde: Your Questions Answered

2006-04-07T10:49:00.000-05:00

Dear Hildegarde,

I received an invitation the other day to a luncheon/fashion show fundraiser in New York. I would love to take my children along, but am not sure if it is appropriate or not. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Attached at the Hip

Dear Attached,

Thank you for your kind note. I must express that I am pleased that you have come to me for advice in this area before you made a most unbecoming error. Too often, parents take for granted that their children are welcome everywhere; this is not the case. Here are my thoughts on the subject...

First of all, when one receives an invitation, and this should be obvious, but apparently not to some among us, the names listed on the invitation are the names of the people who are desired at the respective event. If the intention were for a child, a mother-in-law living in, or other houseguests to be invited, their names would be on the invitation as well. Do I make myself clear here, dear? Never assume that additional persons are to be included as part of your invitation.

Having explained the "rule", here is what to do if there is some question. It is always the hostess' prerogative to decide who enters her home, club, or the place where the said event is taking place. Therefore, if for some reason, you are unable to retain a sitter for your children, or a caregiver for your elderly mother-in-law, etc., simply let the hostess know that you are unable to attend her event due to these circumstances. DO NOT call to ask if your child, mother-in-law, or other houseguest may attend. This is most impolite and puts the hostess in an incredibly awkward position. The hostess has the option to either extend an invitation for the additional guests (children, etc.), or to politely give her regret and then continue planning her engagement. You should not be offended if an additional invitation is not extended to your children or houseguests. Wouldn't you desire the same courtesy?

It is important that you learn this "rule". Take heart, dear reader. As you show others that you have respect and courtesy for them, you will not only be clilmbing up the next step on the ladder of your loveliness program, but you will also be spending more time planning your social calendar and answering all of those invitations you will be receiving.

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Beauty: Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

2006-04-06T22:02:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

To-day we will discuss the beauty and care for your crowning glory, your hair. It is most important, especially these days with all of the pollution and environmental concerns, to care for your locks. First of all, I must impress upon you how important it is to manage the health and vitality of your hair. Even the most attractive style from Georgette Klinger will not look its beauty best if your hair is dry, breaking, and out of condition in general. Here are a few tips to get you started:

1. See your beautician and ask for recommendations for hair products that will work best for your type of hair. You can expect her to recommend the following:

Shampooing
Cream Rinse
Hair Mask (or deep conditioning for weekly use)
Special Treatments (for hair damaged by too frequent bonnet drying or hair irons)

2. Once you get your hair into shape, revisit your beautician and have her recommend a style that is flattering to your face shape, age, and lifestyle. Nothing is more unattractive than seeing a woman with hair that looks like a wet mop, just hanging on the sides of her face. It doesn't take much time, dear, to go from looking like a wet mop to looking like a beauty queen; it just takes a little effort. Isn't it worth an extra ten minutes and some hot rollers to make that hair of yours shine and your man's eyes (when he sees you) as well? Like your hands, your hair says alot about you; if you don't care for it, you are sending a message to others that you do not have respect for yourself or your loveliness program. This must not happen!

3. As you grow into your new hair care, hair setting, and hair maintenance program, you may notice that there are some additional concerns that arise. One of these is the need for coloring. I know, dear reader, that our Victorian grandmothers thought that only tramps and trollops entered this arena; however, times have changed and it is important that one revisits this world if need be. If you notice some of those ugly grays appearing, by all means, color your hair. A full head of grays can be most becoming on a woman of 50 or older, but not for the young among us. If you are younger than 50 and are graying, please see your beautician at once to have this problem remedied. Otherwise, you might look like one of those bag ladies collecting coins from the fountain!

Well dear reader, I hope that to-day's lesson has inspired you to take a look at yourself and to become your beauty best. Make the time now to care for your hair. You will feel good about yourself, and others will, too.

Until next time...

HF

Dear Hildegarde: Your Questions Answered

2006-03-31T17:54:00.000-05:00

Dear Hildegarde,

I went to school in Boston and feel like I have become quite liberated since my enlightenment there. I don't feel like anyone should pull out my chair, open a door for me, etc. I can take care of myself and don't need any man to do these things for me! Why can't men just learn that we are equals and want to be treated with respect?

Sincerely,

NOW Member

Dear NOW Member,

Thank you for your gracious post. It is nice to see that at least you are genuine enough, despite your liberation, to come to me with your question. I am happy to assist you in any way that I can. Now, to the topic at hand. It seems to be that you might be somewhat unsure of your convictions as you are coming to me seeking advice in this area. Any woman (notice I did not say "lady") with same would not bother to come to me at all. I feel, dear reader, that perhaps you are not as far over the fence as you may think. Why is it such a problem when a man wants to offer help with a chair or a door? Such a gracious gesture does not at all detract from your independence (a four letter word in my book), but rather shows that you are worthy enough of respect that a man would take such an action (a gentleman would do these things regardless; I am speaking here of an average man). Dear, haven't you seen the old films depicting a scene where a beautiful woman enters a room, sits down at a table, takes out a cigarette, and then every man in the room rushes over to offer her a "light"? No man hastens a match to an unattractive girl, does he? Why don't you want to be considered a "lady"? There are many a woman in high places in business who act like "ladies" and are treated as such. One can be of an executive level in business and take two routes: behaving like a "woman" or behaving like a "lady". I say, you will earn the respect of your male colleagues much sooner with the latter. "Ladies" make men feel like gentlemen. "Women" make men feel emasculated. Why not take the road less traveled?

My dear husband encounters all sorts of feminist types in New York on a daily basis. He has a phrase he utters, politely of course, to such coarse women who will not accept his gracious actions of opening a door, etc. I chuckle inside whenever I hear it repeated, "I am not opening the door for you because you are a lady, but rather because I am a gentleman." Oh heavens, that gets me every time!

Alas, come over to our side. You will see that a much more pleasant world awaits you, and perhaps one day, one of its gentlemen as well.

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Charm: Jingle Bells, Only at Christmas, Please

2006-03-27T15:02:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

I must write to you to-day about something that I heard over the week-end: a woman "jingling"! Have you ever heard of such a thing?! I dare say that none of you ever wants to be the subject of one of my posts, so I pray, dear reader, that you keep current on your loveliness program as not to be made an example of in one of my lessons.

Now to the subject at hand..."jingling". A lady ought not to make any sounds when she moves about. If this means that one must remove "clanky" jewelry from her person, than so be it. A lady ought also to ensure that her shoes, even if they are the latest fashion of the season, do not make noises when she walks. Additionally, if one must carry keys about (usually this would be the task of the husband), by all means, dear reader, get yourself a handbag! Do not clip such items to your belt as you will look like a telephone repair man and will sound like a cat wearing a bell around its neck. I am sure that for some men, it is enticing for a woman to be compared to an animal in regard to her feminine wiles (which is most inappropriate, regardless; a gentleman never compares a lady to an animal); however, being likened to one because of the audibility of one's locomotion is most repulsive. Ladies, please, keep some mystery about you! If you would like to draw attention to yourself (especially that of a potential suitor at that), do so by your charm, grace, and poise, not by the advertisement of your lack thereof.

Until next time...

HF

Dear Hildegarde: Your Questions Answered

2006-03-24T23:21:00.000-05:00

Dear Hildegarde,

I live in southern Arizona and the weather here is always warm and sunny. I have a white outfit that I would like to wear to a party and it has white shoes which match. My grandmother told me that it is "improper" to wear white at this time of year. I don't understand--it is basically like Summer here all year round. Why does it matter? Please let me know what to do.

Sincerely,

Wanting White

Dear Wanting White,

I think that it is just lovely that you have such a rapport with your grandmother that you receive advice from her, especially good advice. I must say, dear reader, that your grandmother is correct. White shoes (and accompanying handbags) are NEVER to be worn before Memorial Day or after Labor Day (and certainly NEVER with dark stockings as you will look like a street walker). Those persons of charm and those "in the know" are aware of this rule and follow it to the letter. Even if you feel that you don't travel in such circles, you will certainly look like you do if you conform in this regard. Don't you want to put forward your charming, most attractive self to others? The only exceptions to this rule are if you are participating in a debutante presentation or serving in the capacity of a page at a function of your local State Society or National Society of the Daughters of the American Revolution. Pages are to wear white shoes and gloves with the accompanying white ball gown unless otherwise deemed by the respective meeting's presiding officer. Perhaps this organization might be for you if you enjoy wearing white all year round! One must be directly descended from a man or woman who assisted in achieving American Independence from Britain to be eligible for membership. The invitation to join comes through the local Society. For more information about the DAR, please visit this organization's lovely website: www.dar.org.

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com

Beauty: Loose Lips Sink Ships

2006-03-22T22:13:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

My, how I remember that saying during the War, "Loose Lips Sink Ships". All of the men serving our great nation were warned about giving away intelligence information to the "ladies" who would make their acquaintance. Often, these women were spies for the enemy, using their charm and wit to capture information which would lead to a future downfall on the battlegrounds and seas for the red, white, and blue. We won in the end, but it was a difficult journey.

Well, several years have passed and loose lips can still sink ships. To-day, we are talking about gossip. My dearest readers, this topic could fall into the "Charm" category, but I felt it more prudent to include it under "Beauty" since this awful habit can certainly do its best to detract from your beauty and loveliness. I know, especially from the circles in which I travel, gossip is a most tempting savory, one which cures the pangs of hunger for importance and popularity. But I must say this day, no good can come from it. The information which is shared, which is most usually of a negative nature, most often visits its subject, and not usually with grace or a housewarming gift.

Dear reader, part of your loveliness program must include a change from within. One can have the fairest complexion, the loveliest of make-up, and a charming appearance; however, an unlovely personality or demeanor will make all of one's hard work for naught. Please remember, dear reader, that all of your loveliness and charm you are developing is meant to attract others to you and to help you in the popularity department with the ladies and in the marriage department with the gentlemen. Why ruin it all with unkind words about another? My grandmother always said, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything." Well, that may make alot of ladies out there silent, but keep your wits about you. Know that the person who is gossiping TO you will be the same person who will be gossiping ABOUT you. Check your address book, dear reader, and keep that eraser handy. Surround yourself with others who will help you keep your loveliness program afloat, from the inside out.

Until next time...

HF

Etiquette: Doggie Bags, Carry Out, and To Go Boxes

2006-03-20T16:51:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

I hope that you were able to maintain your loveliness lessons this past week despite the fact that I was on vacation in Cuba with my husband. Oh my...Cuba has not changed one bit since I was there 50 years ago. The cars are the same--what a sense of nostalgia when one sees a 1955 Nomad motoring down the boulevard. I had one of those back in my day...red with the white stripe. But, I digress.

To-day we will discuss what to do when one is leaving a restaurant, but wishes to take some food home. The simple answer is: leave the food at the restaurant. My dear, who wants to be seen leaving the finest eateries in Manhattan, all while wearing her mink and pearls, carrying a plastic shopping bag of food! You will simply look like a tramp. I can say that with all of the loveliness training I have to offer, it will all be for naught if one takes this tawdry action. When one takes food home from a restaurant, this is the message she is sending: "I can not afford to eat out at nice restaurants and I have never had food this scrumptious before, so I will take some home with me for later." This is absolutely revolting. Ladies and gentlemen of charm and grace know how to enjoy food at table and then to leave it when the meal has finished. You would not ask your hostess at a dinner party to bring home some of her leftovers for yourself, so why is a restaurant excursion any different? If the edibles you have experienced out are that divine, then go back for another meal at a later date; do not bring the experience home with you. If you have ordered too much food and feel you are being "wasteful", let that be a lesson to you and order less the next time. Do not be seen walking on the street with leftovers. What will you do if you have opera tickets? Bring your leftovers into the theater? My my...

As for canines, they know no different. Buy a box of dog shortbread and he will be just as happy.

Until next time...

HF

Dear Hildegarde: Your Questions Answered

2006-03-10T16:47:00.000-05:00

Dear Hildegarde,

My mother lives in my town and is over at my house visiting, probably two to three times a week. Every time she comes over, she is always thumbing through my things, like my mail, magazines, or my caller ID box. She is so nosy--I don't know how tell her to not do that without hurting her feelings. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Afraid to Confront

Dear Afraid to Confront,

My, that is an ordeal! It is difficult when one must confront someone who is a family member, especially one who is older. First, know dear reader, that you are correct in stating that these habits of your mother are "nosy". It is most rude to review the possessions of others, whether it be someone's mail or bills, reading a letter intended for another, or looking at the stamp underneath someone's china to discover the pattern. These gross actions happen daily, I am afraid, and there must be something done about it. Here are some recommendations for you as you want to be respectful to your mother when you confront her about these annoying habits:

1. Always approach your mother, or anyone else who is of an overly inquiring mind for that matter, with respect. You do not want the person to feel rejected or angry after you make your requests.
2. Try to confront the person immediately after you see him or her performing the "nosy" action. Just like a pup or a child, it is important to confront immediately as to impart a good lesson. Bring up the situation a day later and you will surely hear, "I have never rifled through your mail!", etc.
3. Ask politely if there is a reason for such an action. If none is given, and surely one that is reasonable will not be, ask the person to come to you directly if he or she has a question about something. For example, if you find your mother rifling through your mail, ask her if she is looking for something specific in the pile and if so, ask her in the future if she wouldn't mind asking you first before doing her own research. Most likely, she will discontinue her behavior due to mild embarrassment. There is no valid reason (other than one's personal insecurities) for someone to go through someone else's mail, drawers, caller ID box list, etc. other than sheer curiosity and nosiness. Even if the person is your own sister and she is only looking for a magazine or other reading material for a rainy day, she should still come to you first to ask your permission to look through your magazines, catalogs, etc.
4. Respect the same for others. My husband and I have been married over 55 years and I have never opened a package or letter with his name on it. It all comes down to common courtesy and respect for others' privacy.

Dear reader, try the above and see it these simple tricks work. If not, the best next step is to prevent the temptation. For example, do not leave your mail or caller ID box within plain view on the kitchen counter. Dispense with mail and other such things in your home office. Keep your china stored away in a china cabinet rather than having it out in plain view. Keep the things that are causing a temptation for your mother out of sight! Remember the old adage, "out of sight, out of mind".

Good luck and please repost with your results!

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Charm: How to be a Pleasant Houseguest

2006-03-07T18:42:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

I thought that for to-day's lesson, I would follow up on my posting from yesterday regarding preparing for houseguests [Charm: How to Prepare for Houseguests]. What better topic to bring us full cirlcle, so let's get right to it!

Everyone likes to be a host to a pleasant houseguest. One sure way to be invited back to someone's home is to be just that. We are speaking now of being a popular overnight houseguest (we will address day visits in another post). Please follow these simple rules and a list of invitations will always be flooding your mail box:

1. Always respond in kind, and promptly, to any invitation to overnight at someone's home. This means, dear reader, that if you receive an invitation via post, you should respond with a letter, either stating your acceptance of your host's generous invitation, or passing on your regrets (always with a good explanation as to why you will not be able to keep her company that weekend). If you are invited via the telephone or by telegram, respond in kind. You simply must respond within a day or two as to not give your hostess the impression that you are trying to create a good excuse to not make the occasion!
2. Ensure that you provide your host with your travel arrangement information as soon as you have made your reservations, especially if you are having your host collect you at the airport or at the train. It is more considerate for you to hire a car to deliver you to your destination, but in some remote locations, a car is not always available.
3. Always bring a housewarming gift for your host. Even if you will only be visiting for one overnight, a gift is not only thoughtful, but required. You need not fret about your hostess's decor or china pattern; a simple gift is all that is needed: a fresh bouquet of flowers, some fine wine, or perhaps an item from one of your recent travel excursions abroad. Please do not use this occasion as an excuse to rid yourself of some ghastly present you have received from that tacky uncle of yours; save that for the next White Elephant exchange. You want to leave your hostess with a GOOD impression of your taste and charm.
4. Offer to help with the cooking, cleaning, and planning needs for the home. Of course, the polite hostess will refuse your help and ask you to relax, but the polite houseguest ALWAYS offers.
5. Plan to follow the agenda the host family has set. If they plan on taking in a game of tennis at noon followed by luncheon at the club, by all means, break out your whites and your appetite. Join the gang and have some fun along the way!
6. Even if you have a low tolerance for children and pets, make every effort to entertain these creatures while you are visiting. Bring gifts as well for them when you arrive. You will be remembered as a considerate and very thoughtful guest.
7. Retire early as to give your hosts a chance to have some relaxation time. It is work to properly host guests, and they might need some time to rejuvenate for the following day's tasks.
8. Maintain your quarters in good order: make your bed every day and keep your room neat and tidy.
9. Always come to table dressed properly, ready for the day. Never come to table in your bedclothes, regardless of the hour--my, what an error this is!
10. Before your stay has ended, offer to take your hosts out to dinner as a kind gesture. Make sure to pick an upscale restaurant to show your gratitude.
11. The time for you to bid adieu is when everyone is enjoying himself. You want your visit to seem too short to your hosts. Leave on an up-note and you will surely be invited back. Along these lines, Mr. Benjamin Franklin aptly stated, "fish and visitors stink after three days.".
12. Lastly, always send a handwritten thank you note within a few days of your departure, making special mention of specific activities or meals you have enjoyed. A follow up bouquet of flowers is also a nice touch.

Remember--soon it will be your turn to return the favor. Send an invitation to your hosts to come out for the weekend to your home within six months of your visit.

Well, dear reader, I hope that this post will help you on your way to being a pleasant houseguest. A myriad of invitations awaits you--take this opportunity to be the best you can be...for yourself and for others.

Until next time...

HF

Charm: How to Prepare for Houseguests

2006-03-06T15:14:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

To-day's lesson is most appropriate as I am personally expecting houseguests for the weekend. What better time for me to instruct you on the ways of being a charming hostess than when the ideals are right at the forefront of my mind!

When you will be hosting friends or relatives, whether you are excited about the impending visit or not, it is your responsibility to create a warm and welcoming environment for your guests. This includes having your housework done and the home tidy, having a fresh appearance when your guests arrive (don't forget your lipstick!), and having a becoming personality to cheerfully greet your guests. Additionally, here are some tips for making your guests' visit special:

1. Always have fresh linens in the bedroom (wash the sheets and towels the day of your guests' arrival, unless they will be arriving very early in the morning). You may think that sheets washed on your weekly laundry day will stay fresh for the few days until your guests arrive. Not so, dear reader. Sheets will go stale as bread when left on an unused bed. If you have a ringer at home and the sheets will not be able to dry in time, by all means, send them out.
2. Select color coded towels and washcloths for your guests so their towels will not be confused with your personal towels in your bathroom. Provide for your guests a towel rack or other sort of hanging apparatus in the guest room for their towels to air dry after use.
3. Ensure that the room where you guests will be is in top order. A thorough cleaning is due the day before your guests arrive. Make sure to dust, vacuum, beat the rugs, and clean the mirrors and glass windows to a sparkling clean. Also, remove any children's toys or other items that would be out of order for your guests. Check to make sure that all of the fixtures are clean and have working bulbs. Clear the closet out entirely and provide padded hangers for your guests--it is a good idea to always keep the guest closet free of any items in the event you have last minute guests--you will always look prepared for company if you keep this habit!
4. Place some pretty little guest soaps in a crystal dish and place on the bureau. Any other beauty products you feel may be desired, some perfume, perhaps, may be placed within reach. An addition of some fine chocolates or mints is also a nice touch.
5. Provide a nice variety of reading material on the nightstand by the bed. This will occupy your guests when they are preparing to retire or are taking an afternoon rest.
6. Purchase some fresh flowers the day of your guests' arrival and place them in a nice vase with fresh water on the guest bureau. Who doesn't like to come into a room with fresh flowers?
7. Lastly, air out the guest room (as well as the rest of your house), even in winter, for a few hours before your guests' arrival. A fresh smelling house will ensure that everyone will sleep well!

Once your guests arrive, help them to settle in by asking your husband to take their luggage and by offering them some coffee, tea, and some light refreshments. Tea and cucumber sandwiches are quite lovely after a long motor journey. When mealtime comes, always try to prepare your guests' favorite dishes, and use your best finery. Use placecards at table to make your guests feel special and at home.

Well, dear reader, all that is needed now is your charming personality! It also would not hurt to let you guests win a few hands at bridge either...

Until next time...

HF

Dear Hildegarde: Your Questions Answered

2006-03-03T22:18:00.000-05:00

Ms. Hilde,

I love your blog! so much good info. I really feel like after reading this, I could become a true lady. Do you know how to get rid of yellow nails which are due to always using darker polish?

Signed,
anonymous

Dear anonymous,

Oh dear--you must address this problem at once! I am so pleased that you came to me for your beauty advice.

Yellow-looking nails can be a result of a myriad of issues: poor health, nicotine stains from smoking, and the biggest offender--dark nail polish (even with base coat). Additionally, stained nails can also be the result of a lack of oxygen to the nail bed from constantly wearing nail polish! My suggestions to you are as follows:

Eat a healthy diet.

If you smoke, quit! Read my posting on smoking as this not only stains your nails, but detracts from your loveliness as well!

Discontinue use of nail polish completely for three weeks. You may use a nail buffer to remove the surface stains in the meantime, or of course, you may wear gloves. This time period will be the most difficult in your beauty enhancing program, especially if you are used to wearing polish regularly. But you simply must charge ahead if you want to look your best. Massage your hands and nails each night with a heavy cream (I recommend NIVEA creme) to promote increased circulation of the blood to this area.

Once your nails have whitened up again, and you would like to continue using polish, choose lighter shades and always wear a base coat. Darker polish is not as fashionable this season, so it will serve you well to "lighten up" a bit. Also, about once every six weeks, go one week with no polish to give your nails a chance to re-oxygenate.

Dear Reader, I would love for you to repost with your results!

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Etiquette: Standing Up for Yourself

2006-03-01T13:35:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

To-day let's speak about the importance of knowing when to stand up. Now, you are thinking to yourself, "I have never had this problem before"...but I ask you, dear reader, do you really know when it is appropriate to stand, that is, socially? I bet not. I look around today and see too many people just sitting when in polite circles, the appropriate gesture would be to stand. Here are some basic rules so you will always be correct:

1. A man always stands up when a lady enters or leaves a room or a table, at home or in restaurant. If at a restaurant, he should also offer her her chair when she returns. If a lady is at a table with other men at a restaurant and must take a brief leave, all of the men at the table should stand. A polite gesture by the lady, however, would be to say something like, "please, do not rise" if rising is difficult due to confined space.
2. All people of charm should rise from sitting when meeting someone new.
3. All people of charm should stand and greet guests and friends as they enter the room at either a private party or in a public place.
4. One should always stand when approached by someone senior to her, whether in age, importance, or corporate position, or when such a person enters the room. This also includes children, who should always stand when being addressed by an adult.
5. While in a restaurant, if an acquaintance comes over and visits one's table, everyone at the table should stop eating and rise to greet the acquaintance, whether he or she is personally known to them or not. No one at the table may resume eating until the acquaintance has left the area. Now, hopefully, the acquaintance understands proper decorum and will not keep the table waiting for more than a brief minute!

There are many other examples and I could go on. The important thing to remember is to always rise to greet, speak to, or meet someone, especially those of superior position. As this practice is so slovenly kept by many, if at all, please take heart, dear reader. You may feel awkward at first when you implement the charming habit of rising to your repertoire, but after a while, it will just come to you naturally. Your actions will be appreciated and you will always be thought of as polite and charming, at home and in business. Now that will make you stand out in a crowd!

Until next time...

HF

Etiquette: What's Your Sign?

2006-02-28T09:30:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

I hope you enjoy the title for my post to-day. I remember those days when the young chaps in the discotechs used to ask my granddaughters that question. I remember asking the girls what that meant. I was surprised at their answer--why would someone want to get to know another based upon a birthdate? Does a birthdate supersede charm, poise, and loveliness? I think perhaps it might have back then, based upon some of the old photographs I have seen recently. Well, I digress. On to the topic at hand...signatures.

My dear, I must inform you of the proper way to sign documents of a formal social nature. I do not mean legal briefs, bank drafts, or contracts, but rather guest registers at hotels, weddings, funerals, and the like. When one is confronted with signing a register in a social formal setting, the proper way to sign is with one's formal name. For example, one would sign with her husband's name, if married (Mrs. John Smith) or her own name, if unmarried (Miss Mary Smith). A widowed woman may also sign with her husband's name. A divorced woman may properly sign her name carrying her husband's last name, but her first name (Mrs. Jean Tucker). A married woman is never to sign her first name in these situations unless she wants to imply that she is a divorcee, which would be most unbecoming. If one's husband is accompanying her to such events, the register listing should also be properly documented as "Mr. and Mrs. So and So". The title of "Ms." is dreadfully feminist in nature and is never appropriate in social settings. One is either "Miss" or "Mrs." "Ms." is only acceptable in business, and gingerly at that. Think of the message a girl is sending to potential suitors when "Ms." is used! It clearly states, "I am a progressive woman and I don't cook, clean, or enjoy household tasks, and I smoke on the street." I hope I have made myself clear, dear reader.

If attendance at a wedding or funeral is a necessary part of business (a death of a colleague, etc.), one's obligation is first socially, second professionally. This means that the rules are the same. If one chooses, albeit unwisely, to be a "Ms." at the office, she is still a "Miss" or a "Mrs." once she leaves the confines of same to attend such a ceremony. The gentleman who is worth his salt always scans the social register to see where he stands in comparison to the rest of the guests. If you are a "Miss", wouldn't you want him to see you listed there properly? No gentleman wants to marry a "Ms."!

I hope this lesson to-day will allow you to display your newly learned decorum when you are attending such functions. If you follow these simple rules, when someone asks you about your sign, you can respond discreetly to yourself, "my sign is one which reads: 'I am a charming lady of loveliness who knows and follows the rules.'"

Until next time...

HF

Dear Hildegarde: Your Questions Answered

2006-02-24T13:07:00.000-05:00

Dear Ms. Hildegarde,

I agree with your recent post [Charm: How Much is that Doggie in the Window?] regarding the impropriety of discussing finances. How would you suggest I respond to such a rude inquiry?

Signed,
anonymous

Dear anonymous,

Thank you for your post. It is amazing how so many people find it acceptable to be so intrusive into others' lives. I am pleased to see that you are already on your way to being full of grace and poise as you seek to better yourself in your dealings with others.

As I mentioned in my post, the best you can do is to try to redirect the conversation onto another topic. Housework is always a favorite, especially among women. If you are speaking with men (although this would be most inappropriate unless your husband is present), a good discussion on the sporting crowd usually does the trick.

However, some of those people are so persistent, at times, you may be brought to a point of discomfort. The worst way to handle this situation is to be rude back to Mr. or Mrs. Nosy by saying something like, "that is none of your business". That would all but completely damage all of your hard work toward your goal of loveliness and charm. You also do not want to show a lack of respect for the other person, especially if he or she is older than you. I feel the best response is to do what we ladies do best--play "dumb". Just respond by saying, "I am not quite sure about that" or just spontaneously create some ridiculous answer. Perhaps you will look foolish, but your financial secrets and your charm will remain intact!

Until next time...

HF

Etiquette: Introduction on Introductions

2006-02-23T10:48:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

To-day we will cover a topic that is confusing for many of you--the topic of how to introduce others and how to be introduced to others. We are not speaking to-day of the cotillion or the debutante ball, where one is introduced to society (although I will address this subject at a later time). We are speaking now about personal introductions which you will encounter on an everyday basis. As I am quite sure that those of you who must make regular meetings with Presidents, Heads of State, Ambassadors and the like haven't time to read my posts, I will discuss the basic information about introductions here for the casual reader and write in more detail for the active attache in a later post.

The first item about introductions is that you should make them. No bridge luncheon or dinner party with a mixture of guests will go well if no one knows one another. In formal circles, one must be introduced to someone else before beginning a conversation. It is the responsibility of the hostess to ensure that guests at her affair who have not been previously acquainted with others be properly introduced so that they might begin enjoying conversation and the evenings festivities. As you plan your party, keep in mind your guest list and how you can encourage polite conversation amongst those friends who have not already made an acquaintance. For example, you know that Mr. Smith and Mr. Jones both summer in the Hamptons and are in the business of finance, but have not yet met. Your party would be a perfect place for a new friendship, or at least a golf partnership, to bud between these two!

An additional situation which would require introductions is on a public place or on the street. It is most impolite to be at tea or walking on the street with someone and see an acquaintance of yours and not introduce your friend. How insensitive is it to stand there on the street and have a new conversation with someone, all whilst your engagement for the afternoon stands there idly, hopelessly, not knowing what to do with herself. If you have ever been in this situation, dear reader, you know the embarrassment and awkwardness the situation can create. Try not to repeat this gross error if you ever want your circle of friends to grow. Additionally, it is best to remove your persons from the street and enter a tea house or cafe. It is most rude to block the traffic of pedestrians as you engage yourself in idle chit chat.

Now you ask, "how do I make such introductions?". Never fear, dear reader, I would not leave you hanging in this regard! Here are some basic rules to remember so you will always be correct (there are some exceptions to note, however):

1. The younger is always introduced to the older
Example: "Grandfather, I would like for you to meet a chap from my college business class."
2. A man is always introduced to the woman (unless the man is a Head of State or the Pope)
Example: " Mrs. Smith, I would like for you to meet Mr. Jones."
3. A person of superior position (importance) is always introduced to a person of inferior position
Example: "Your Honor, I would like for you to meet my sister, Marge Wilson."

All you need to remember is to say the proper name first, that is, the older, the lady, or the person of importance. The rest will come to you easily. In addition, it is kind to add some nice anecdote if you would like for the persons to become more acquainted than simply for the sheer politeness of the introduction. Example: "Miss Smith, I would like for you to meet Mr. Horace Greeley. Mr. Greeley, please meet Miss Mable Smith. Mr. Greeley also plays bridge on Thursday nights at the community center...". Please remember to use the first and last names of the people you are introducing; otherwise, you may hear your friends say after you leave, "Horace who??". If you happen to be in this situation of not knowing someone's last name, take heart dear reader, simply ask, "I am sorry, but I do not know your last name." If the person has even one ounce of charm, she will respond kindly with the information.

When you are introduced to someone, it is polite to extend a hand of acknowledgment, but only if you follow these specific rules:

1. A younger person never extends his or her hand to the older
2. A man never extends his hand to a lady
3. A person of less importance never extends his or her hand to a person of more importance

The proper person always has the choice of whether to extend a hand or not. However, in business, although it is a lady's privilege to extend her hand to a man, she should never do so to someone who is of superior position within the firm. The right in this situation is reserved for the person of superior position.

Lastly, even if you feel that the person you are meeting is simply ghastly (in which case dear, you need to find a different set of friends!), you must respond with a pleasant comment such as, "I am pleased to meet you" or "I am so happy to know you, dear". It is also courteous to remain with your new acquaintance for at least five to ten minutes to make some additional polite conversation. After that, no more commitment is needed. Please see my previous post on how to exit a conversation gracefully so you will have the next step ready!

Well, dear reader, you will sleep tonight knowing that you can properly introduce others. By maintaining this special skill, you will show to others that you can be confident in any situation. Being a charming hostess requires this skill. Now that you have it, why not throw a little party this weekend to show off how poised and gracious you are!

Until next time...

HF

Charm: Oh no! Cover Your Mouth, Dear

2006-02-20T11:32:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

To-day's lesson is about yawning. Everyone must do it--I have read in a science text that one must yawn in order to send more oxygen to the brain. We all would like oxygenated brains, I am sure. Healthy brains enhance our charm by allowing us to have interesting information stored for our immediate use during a conversation with another. But, I digress. To the topic at hand...I was watching the 2006 Winter Olympic Games on the television the other night when, to my dismay, I witnessed one of our great nation's best speed skaters yawn publicly on television, without covering his mouth! He looked like he was trying to catch flies or scream in agony; it was most unbecoming. How awful that that very ungentlemanly moment was captured on tape for all to see! This reasonably attractive and charming skater ruined his debonair demeanor by this sordid action. What a shame--he gave such a pleasant interview. Unless he wins the gold medal, this is how he will be remembered by the Americans...and the rest of the world, for that matter.

The simple remedy for this natural body function is to cover one's mouth. No one wants to see your dental work, dear. However, if you have recently had some work done, by all means, show it off with a smile! Remember this simple advice and you will never be "skating on thin ice" next time you are out with that special beau.

Until next time...

HF

Dear Hildegarde: Your Questions Answered

2006-02-17T07:46:00.000-05:00

Dear Hildegarde,

Is it proper to place salad dressing on the dining table? What is the proper way to pass the salt and pepper if you would like to use it also? Who gets to use it first? Please advise...

Sincerely,
Alwaysata Loss

Dear Ms. Loss,

How commendable to recognize your deficiencies and to call upon my expertise at this fine hour! The first step in becoming charming is to know that improvement is needed. I wasn't always the charming and gracious hostess that I am today, if that is possible for you to believe. Everyone must start somewhere! Dear Reader, you too can become a delicate flower of a lady with my simple and practical advice.

Now, to your questions. You may place salad dressing on your table; however, it must be in a nice decanter or serving bowl with a spoon. NEVER put any condiment on the table in its original container if you want to present yourself a charming and dutiful hostess. The only exception is if you are at a backyard BBQ with family or very close friends--then it is most practical to be simple and to protect your fine china, sterling, and crystal. You may use the original plastic containers in this instance, but in this instance only.

As for the salt and pepper, firstly, they must ALWAYS be passed together. It matters not if the salt or pepper were requested singly; salt and pepper must always remain a couple. It is always best to have the salt and pepper passed directly to the person who requested them. Even if you would like to use these extraordinary spices first, it may put a question in requester's eye if you "but in" and use them, even if it is making its way by your place at the table first. Always send the condiments directly to the requester, then ask for them back politely. For example, you may say, "would you mind passing the salt and pepper after you have finished with them?", etc. This is most important at a society dinner. Now, if you are among those delightful friends of your inner circle or family, you may interrupt the flow by saying politely to the requester, "would you mind if I used the salt and pepper before it arrives your way?". This lets the requester know that you are considerate of her feelings and of course, she will not object. However, this exception is only acceptable in the circumstance I have mentioned. Never do this at the White House or you for certain will not be invited to return! One way to avoid this dilemma entirely is to provide salt and pepper cellars (along with their respective spoons) for each guest.

I hope this helps your quandaries, dear reader. Take this advice and you will enter the next phase of your loveliness program!

Until next time...

HF

Dear Hildegarde: Your Questions Answered

2006-02-16T08:35:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

Beginning tomorrow, each Friday I will be answering the questions you have posed to me throughout the week in my new column entitled, "Dear Hildegarde: Your Questions Answered". There have been such an abundance of curiosities in response to my postings. I will select the questions that are most applicable to your etiquette, charm, and beauty program.

I would love to hear from you, dear reader. You may ask questions of me via my postings or send me an electronic mail message to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

My expertise is available to all! Don't wait too long to begin your loveliness program.

Until next time...

HF

Etiquette: Pass the Salt, Please

2006-02-15T16:46:00.000-05:00

Charm: How Much is that Doggie in the Window?

2006-02-12T14:14:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

To-day we will discuss a topic which might make some of you feel somewhat uncomfortable, but for the good of all, I feel it a subject worth addressing. The topic at hand is that of discussing anything of a financial nature with others. Here is the rule: unless you are engaged in a business transaction with another, the subject of money or finances (short of speculating on the market's activities in a general nature) should never enter a conversation--not ever. Why, dear reader, do you need to know how much someone paid for something, a house, some new stockings, a new dress, an automobile, or where her husband's investments lie? It is most unnecessary and I dare say that you are interested in this information to judge your worth against that of your neighbor. Why do you need to know what someone paid for an item or the amount of a friend's husband's annual wages? You are going to judge the situation based upon your own ideas--then you are going to gossip to your friends and family about it! No lady of charm can honestly say that she is "just curious" about these matters. It is none of your concern, quite frankly. The lady of charm and poise realizes this and goes about her own business. However, if you have not yet finished your etiquette course and mastered discretion, let the question lie, dear reader. Keep your nosiness to yourself and call a local retailer or do your own research to find out prices. Don't ask your friend and put her in an awkward and compromising position, having to deflect your rude line of questioning!

Now, on the "flip side" of things, dear reader, you should also not volunteer information of the same subject. Ladies of charm know the subjects which require much discretion, and finances is one of them. If you are a working girl, do not share the amount of your annual wages with friends and neighbors. This is private information and no good will come to you by sharing it with others.

My brother in law put it best when he stated, "whenever people discuss money, someone always feels bad." And he is right. So, my advice is to steer the conversation to a different, lighter, and more pleasing topic, like housework. You will be relieved of the awkwardness of the topic of finances and joyful when you see how elated your friends are to have the opportunity to discuss matters of housekeeping.

Until next time...

HF

Beauty: The Long and Short of Nails (and Hands)

2006-02-08T16:17:00.000-05:00

Etiquette: Motoring Manners I: Key to Success

2006-02-07T19:30:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

To-day's lesson comes about at the request of a Pastor at my church. You can imagine how pleased I was to know that men are reading my daily column, as I had intended it to be strictly for ladies--my, such a joy to know that the gentleman of today will be benefiting from my writings! Of course, now I must be exceptionally delicate when I discuss such matters involving the gentlemen of to-day. I do not want to be the subject of any negative sort at the next prayer meeting!

Aside from the mildly ill mannered driving habits of those on the motorways today, which we will have to address in another lesson, indeed, there is a most important issue regarding the opening of a car door for a lady in the "age of clickers", as my reader so eloquently stated. As I understand it, "clickers" are the modern equivalence of a key for opening the locks on the side car doors. One no longer needs a latch key for entry; I can see the convenience of it all. Now I ask, dear reader, does the advancement of technology call for a regression in one's graciousness to others? I say not. Just because one can open the passenger door of an automobile remotely does not shirk any gentleman of worth in the community from his duties to the lady who keeps his company. Because I own a RADAR RANGE, does that excuse my serving dinner party guests poorly heated TV dinners from the ice box over lovingly prepared rack of lamb with rosemary and sage? I fear not. Here is another example for increased clarity: because the grocery markets now have doors that open and close automatically, a most convenient feature, does that in itself allow a man to enter before a woman since he no longer has a door to hold open? I say to my friend, take heart, keep your gentlemanly nature and continue to offer the car door to your lady friend, albeit by unlocking the car with your "clicker" rather than a key. Regardless of the technology available to you, the chilvarous touch you provide to your love should remain the same. The rules of proper decorum have not changed.

My dear man, you will find that your graciousness to others will take you far in life. You will be esteemed in your profession and a charming host. It matters not if you use a "clicker" to gain access to your vehicle as long as you assist your fair companion; that is your "key" to success.

Until next time...

HF

Etiquette: One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

2006-02-06T10:04:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

To-day's lesson once more is more for your man than it is for you. I did not want to have to address this subject, but over the past week, I noticed this ungracious behavior more than once, so I thought it best to discuss it in this forum and make matters straight!

When a lady and gentleman are walking together on the street, it should be just that...together. On more than one occasion, I have seen a pair walking and the man is at least five or six paces ahead of the lady, as if they were not even meant to be walking with one another. Dear reader, this is a most uncivilized behavior...we are no longer living in the barbaric age! No man is to leave his love behind him to wallow in his dust! Absurd! A man is to ensure the proper protection of his mate, and therefore should walk evenly with her as to keep her safe from harm's way. Additionally, whilst on the street, the man should always walk on the outside. The only exception is whilst walking past a dark alley, then the man should remain on the inside. I have seen recently a few Presidents who are lacking in this area when they are walking with their wives. Notice this action the very next time you witness a news story on the television--doesn't that look awful. Poor Mrs. President...her husband rushes off to meet the crowds with not a care for her well being. This is selfish as he is putting his needs and self importance over that of his wife. He is a husband first, a President second. A sad state of affairs...now that is the state of our union.

Now, the matter of informing the men in our lives on the subject. It is not our place, dear reader, to tell our men, especially our husbands, what to do. However, and this is not deception, it is our responsibility to encourage them in the ways of decorum, albeit subtly. Tell your husband that you are pleased when he walks with you and helps you with your balance. Let him know that you feel protected by him when he is in your midst. Oh friend, if this will not puff up the feathers and make him change his ways!

Until next time...

HF

Charm: Daily Duties for Dental Daintiness

2006-02-04T21:29:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

To-day we will cover the most delicate topic of dental hygiene. I know this is a most intimate issue, but feel that we must discuss it without delay. A lady can be most appealing wearing the latest chic fashions, properly fitted underneath with the most advanced foundation garments, of course, have a fresh looking skin, a thoughtfully applied make-up, and a hair set that is lovely. However, all of that having been said, one scent of a bad mouth odor will detract from an otherwise dainty display. I say, dear reader, why spoil all of your hard work you spent looking your best by not caring for your pearly whites? It is just not prudent. I feel that to-day, people are in such a rush to get about, dental care just falls by the wayside. Don't forsake your mouth and teeth. Here are a few tips to keep your mouth happy and smiling, and your breath at its most lovely:

1. Brush your teeth with a good ribbon dental cream at least twice a day (don't forget the evening session!). Always perform this action before going out to meet with others, at a bridge luncheon, for example, as well.
2. Floss at each evening session. How can you go to bed, dear reader, with the possibility that you still have remnants of the days eateries lurking in your mouth? How awful. See if you dentist does not notice that you have forgotten this crucial habit!
3. If you have "bad" teeth, don't let them detract from your potential loveliness. See an orthodontic specialist at once!
4. Carry mints with you at all times. You never know when you may meet "Mr. Right"--you don't want to have bad breath at that time now, do you?
5. Carry a snip of parsley or some antacid tablets with you in your handbag. These will prove to be quite handy in the event of a garlic or onion emergency.
6. Visit your dentist regularly for a routine examination. I recommend at least twice a year. Be sure to take care of any dental problems (caries, etc.) right away to prevent further deterioration of your daintiness.

After you have followed these steps, dear reader, you will not only maximize your dental health potential, but you will also be confident that you are putting forth a charming and attractive appearance.

Until next time...

HF

Charm: The Short on Short-Pants

2006-02-03T11:46:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

To-day's lesson is one that is looking forward to the warm, summer months when the fashions change and we set aside our heavy winter coats and rubbers for something more delicate and feminine. Conversely, what I am talking about to-day is short-pants. Many of you girls think that short-pants are a "must have" for summer, but I must protest. Unless you have been approached by an agency requesting your legs for modeling purposes, you should not be wearing them. Short-pants are for children and not appropriate for the charming lady's (or gentleman's, for that matter) wardrobe. Even the most slender and dainty among you should dress more modestly--wear a nice skirt or some linen trousers. They are much more becoming--who wants to go around looking at someone's ugly, knobby knees? All knees look like that, so do not fool yourself, dear reader, into thinking that yours are attractive. The one exception to this rule is on the tennis court--then by all means, wear your whites!

Until next time...

HF

Etiquette: Subway is Subpar

2006-02-02T15:38:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

To-day's lesson is for the man in your life, so feel free to "clue him in" on a matter or two. Of course, when you explain what you have learned from my lesson to your husband, please do so after he has had a nice meal you have lovingly prepared and has had time to read the evening paper; you want to catch your dear one at his most relaxed!

I must bring to the attention of the gentlemen everywhere the matter of relinquishing seats to ladies on the train. I have received many a complaint from my readers stating that they have been forced to stand on a train, all whilst a man was sitting within reach. Gentlemen--I am to use this term loosely, why are you not giving up your train seats to ladies, especially ones in a family way, and the elderly? There is no excuse for this selfishness. You are the stronger sex, so how difficult is it for you to offer a seat to a fairer one? This simple action will give you more rewards than you would ever have thought possible. You will be graciously thanked by the lady or elderly person you have assisted and will be admired by others in your community. This can't hurt business either. Once your colleagues discover your chivalrous nature, albeit hidden to this point, you will be the star of the office and will finally close that big deal you have been working on!

Until next time...

HF

Etiquette: Mr. and Mrs. So and So

2006-02-01T12:51:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

To-day we will take a brief tangent from our usual course and discuss a matter regarding children. It has come to my attention of late that children are being allowed to call adults by their first names and are not using their proper titles. My dear, this is most appalling as it shows a lack of respect for adults and does not keep children in their proper, subordinate place in society. This is, however, an easy matter to correct. If you are a parent, quite a calling indeed, it is your responsibility to correct your children when they err in this way. Easier even, when introducing your child to elders, simply introduce them properly as "Mr. Smith" or "Mrs. Doe" and he will quickly learn how adults are to be addressed. If, my dear, you have been lax in this area, it is not too late, so take heart, and begin with your revised parenting program at once! Explain to your children how adults are to be properly addressed and then enforce the policy. If other neighbor children address you improperly, it is also your responsibility to correct them. Simply state something like, "Johnny, you may call me Mrs. Smith". Johnny's parents may not know better, so it is your duty to ensure proper decorum whilst he is in your home. And let that be the end of it, unless of course, the child errs again. Be consistent and you will reap the rewards for your efforts.

When your children learn respect for others, they will surely respect themselves and will do well in life. Dealing with others properly is an art to be learned--from early on. Give your child the confidence he needs to behave properly. He is a reflection of your and your husband's parenting abilities--I am sure you want your family to be represented well in your community. You do want to receive that invitation to join the women's club this year, don't you?

Until next time...

HF

Beauty: Hydration Mist for Facial Beauty

2006-01-31T08:45:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

Welcome again to my daily lesson. To-day, we will discuss another skin treatment I have found to be most profitable for the skin. Next to cleanliness, hydration is the all important factor for skin loveliness (a good diet doesn't hurt!). You may have noticed, especially during these harsh winter months, that a hormone or protectant vanishing cream is not enough to take your beauty throughout the day. You may find that your skin becomes parched or weary, even by luncheon. Well take heart, dear reader, there is a secret weapon that I keep in my personal arsenal that will bring your skin back to its dewy youthfulness. Invest in a good quality hydrating mist; I personally enjoy the FROWNIES Rose Water Hydrating Mist, manufactured by the Beauty and Personality Company in Dayton, Ohio. After a thorough cleansing, apply your usual eye treatment and apply the mist in a gentle fashion all over the face, smiling as you mist your way to loveliness. Immediately apply your vanishing cream--the oil in the cream will "seal in" the moisture from the mist, leaving your skin delicate and you dainty. Perform this miracle operation after every cleansing.

You should see immediate results, followed by an increased hydration of the skin over the coming days. Remember--this is YOUR beauty secret, but see if your husband does not notice. Your skin will look and feel as if you spent your afternoon at the beauty parlor, but for some reason, all of your housework is done, too!

Until next time...

HF

www.frownies.com

Etiquette: Thank You Notes/Writing Papers

2006-01-30T18:43:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

Let's discuss thank you notes. Most people nowadays have forgotten the art of correspondence and most especially, the necessity of writing thank you notes. Most good people of breeding were instructed by their mothers in this art, and many probably had personalized writing papers from birth; however, I find it fitting to send a gentle reminder to the public regarding this matter. Some may not remember or even know when such a note is appropriate, so I will fulfill my duties and inform you so that you will always be correct:

1. A thank you note is never inappropriate.
2. A thank you note is required (and should be written within a fortnight) when a gift is received via the post or when the giver was not present at its opening or receipt. A note should be written even of the giver were present, at a bridal or baby shower, for example.
3. A thank you note should be written the very next day to the host/hostess after a party, dinner engagement, or bridge luncheon.
4. A thank you note should be written when any act of kindness or generosity has been performed.
5. A thank you note is most lovely when sent on personalized, engraved writing papers; however, when that is not possible, store bought notes are acceptable.
6. The content of same should be pleasant and specific. Do not write, "thank you for the gift" but rather, "thank you for lovely set of candles. They match our dining room wallpaper perfectly and Oswald and I will be using them every night to make our dinner together special.", etc.

A wide array of writing papers is available to even the woman of the most modest means. I personally recommend the Crane Company's papers (their website link has been provided) for every day use. One may order a variety of sets, to include the monarch papers, correspondence cards, foldover notes, and gift enclosure cards, with their respective envelopes. Happy writing!

Until next time...

HF

www.crane.com

Charm: No straws, please

2006-01-30T14:46:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

I could not leave to-day's lesson without adding another comment regarding drinking habits. In the area of straws...please say, "no, thank you". As I mentioned in my previous post, please ask for a glass, dear, and do not use a straw. If you are old enough to be reading this advice, you are old enough to use a glass like a proper adult. Straws are for children and that is what you will look like if you use one. Think back to the days of the soda fountains...who is using straws but idle adolescents making "googly eyes" at each other over the table as they drink their fountain drinks. Take this loveliness test: watch yourself in the mirror (at home, please) as you drink liquid from a glass through a straw. See if this is a becoming facial expression. Is it? I fear not.

Until next time...

HF

Charm: A Word on Smoking, Gum Chewing, and Drinking from a Bottle or Can

2006-01-30T12:21:00.000-05:00

Charm: Exiting a Conversation

2006-01-29T20:17:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

To-day we will discuss the gift of leaving a conversation gracefully, whether in person or on the telephone wire. Back in my day, it was quite expensive to maintain relations via the telephone, especially when one had to share a party line; therefore, I will concentrate mostly on that of the group conversation.

When discussing matters in a group and one finds that she must avail herself to another task, she may simply state, "please excuse me, I must leave to do such and such". It is important, however, that she make eye contact with her cohorts and smile, as not to give a false impression that the current conversation has caused her boredom. One must not necessarily reveal the nature of her other call, but it must appear that the other matter is of some urgency or importance, as not to offend the onlookers. Additionally, it is polite to add a comment such as, "I have enjoyed speaking with you today--have a pleasant afternoon" or something of the sort. I have been in situations where a person who needs to leave the group just does so, without hesitation, and says nary a word as to the reason. This is most impolite, dear reader, and makes everyone else remaining feel puzzled and awkward. When finally taking one's leave, simply take one or two steps backward, while facing the group, and then turn to the side to walk away. It is most ungracious to leave a group with one's backside as the last view!

Now there is the matter of this newfangled device called CALL WAITING for telephone communications. As convenient as this is for emergencies, one cannot help but mention the absurdity of the interruption it causes, and the awkwardness it brings about when the recipient of such a notification must quickly tell her engaged partner that she must "hold" so she can take the other call, as she works around the "beeps" so her friend might understand her. This is most rude, and gives the phone partner the impression that the other caller is more important than she. If one is expecting an important call when a friend rings, she should politely explain to the friend same, and both may mutually decide to speak at some other time, or, permission is granted in such a way as to let the recipient of the call accept the interruption, should it arise. Otherwise, the call should be left to continue to an automated answer box. Typically, the "rule of thumb" is that the callee, not the caller, has the right to end the phone conversation first. However, at times, one must take her leave and break this rule. To do so, simply state a good reason for ending the conversation and thank the person for her time. There are many other duties of the household to handle that a telephone call is quite an interruption; the friend needs to know that her time away from her housework is valued.

Until next time...

HF

Beauty: Pond's Cold and Vanishing Creams

2006-01-28T16:55:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

Let's discuss beauty to-day. You know that your skin loveliness is absolutely dependent on the care you give it. We all know by now that one should drink plenty of water and get more sleep, but what about skin treatments? I have tried several, and I now recommend to you the following:

Pond's Cold Cream: recommended to remove all dirt and make-up from the face. You can even use it to remove eye makeup. I like to tissue off first, then rinse with a warm washcloth (if you tissue the cream off first, it will not leave make-up residue on your washcloth). The massage effect when you rub the cream on your face will be very stimulating to the skin and will leave your skin refreshed and lovely.

Pond's Vanishing Cream (now called Dry Skin Cream): recommended for use after cleansing. I think that this cream on its own is a little heavy, especially for the young skin. However, if you take just a dab of it and mix it with your usual night cream, your skin will be refreshed and like dew when you wake up the following morning from your beauty sleep. During the daytime, I would also recommend a sunscreen as this product contains none.

www.ponds.com

Want to know more beauty product recommendations? Keep checking back...

Until next time...

HF

Welcome to my blog!

2006-01-28T16:51:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

I welcome you to my most recent creation--a blog where you, dear reader, can discuss at length your opinions on etiquette, charm, and beauty for to-day. At my advanced age, I have seen many changes in these areas and would love to speculate as to the reasoning for the people of to-day to have just gone "downhill" in regard to their appearance, activities, and manners. I find it just dreadful! And the children...we must return to the old days of good discipline. More on that later...

Until next time...
HF