Charm: How Much is that Doggie in the Window?
Dear Reader,
To-day we will discuss a topic which might make some of you feel somewhat uncomfortable, but for the good of all, I feel it a subject worth addressing. The topic at hand is that of discussing anything of a financial nature with others. Here is the rule: unless you are engaged in a business transaction with another, the subject of money or finances (short of speculating on the market's activities in a general nature) should never enter a conversation--not ever. Why, dear reader, do you need to know how much someone paid for something, a house, some new stockings, a new dress, an automobile, or where her husband's investments lie? It is most unnecessary and I dare say that you are interested in this information to judge your worth against that of your neighbor. Why do you need to know what someone paid for an item or the amount of a friend's husband's annual wages? You are going to judge the situation based upon your own ideas--then you are going to gossip to your friends and family about it! No lady of charm can honestly say that she is "just curious" about these matters. It is none of your concern, quite frankly. The lady of charm and poise realizes this and goes about her own business. However, if you have not yet finished your etiquette course and mastered discretion, let the question lie, dear reader. Keep your nosiness to yourself and call a local retailer or do your own research to find out prices. Don't ask your friend and put her in an awkward and compromising position, having to deflect your rude line of questioning!
Now, on the "flip side" of things, dear reader, you should also not volunteer information of the same subject. Ladies of charm know the subjects which require much discretion, and finances is one of them. If you are a working girl, do not share the amount of your annual wages with friends and neighbors. This is private information and no good will come to you by sharing it with others.
My brother in law put it best when he stated, "whenever people discuss money, someone always feels bad." And he is right. So, my advice is to steer the conversation to a different, lighter, and more pleasing topic, like housework. You will be relieved of the awkwardness of the topic of finances and joyful when you see how elated your friends are to have the opportunity to discuss matters of housekeeping.
Until next time...
HF
posted by Hildegarde Fillmore @ 2:14 PM
2 Comments:
Dear Ms. Hildegarde,
I agree with your latest post regarding the impropriety of dicussing finances. How would you suggest I respond to such a rude inquiry?
Dear anonymous,
Thank you for your post. It is amazing how so many people find it acceptable to be so intrusive into others' lives. I am pleased to see that you are already on your way to being full of grace and poise as you seek to better yourself in your dealings with others.
As I mentioned in my post, the best you can do is to try to redirect the conversation onto another topic. Housework is always a favorite, especially among women. If you are speaking with men (although this would be most inappropriate unless your husband is present), a good discussion on the sporting crowd usually does the trick.
However, some of those people are so persistent, at times, you may be brought to a point of discomfort. The worst way to handle this situation is to be rude back to Mr. or Mrs. Nosy by saying something like, "that is none of your business". That would all but completely damage all of your hard work toward your goal of loveliness and charm. You also do not want to show a lack of respect for the other person, especially if he or she is older than you. I feel the best response is to do what we ladies do best--play "dumb". Just respond by saying, "I am not quite sure about that" or just spontaneously create some rediculous answer. Perhaps you will look foolish, but your financial secrets and your charm will remain intact!
Until next time...
HF
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