Etiquette: Pass the Salt, Please

Dear Reader,

To-day's lesson comes about, albeit unfortunately, from an experience I had earlier this morning at a club meeting. I must say that I am disappointed that two women with whom I have made an acquaintance behaved in such a way that I had to write this post! Of course, because I am highly familiar with the rules of decorum, I will not mention this post to them, as not to cause unjust embarrassment (no lady of charm EVER corrects another's manners, especially in public!--a mother correcting her child is the ONLY exception, and this as well calls for utmost discretion); however, if they come upon this post per chance, then let this be a lesson to them!

We are discussing the art of passing, not of dying my dear (we will leave that for another day's lesson), but passing, that is, handing something to someone else. There is an art to this, dear reader, so do not let yourself be surprised by this instruction. I will take to-day's example: one lady on my left wanted to pass a note to the lady on my right. Well, you can imagine my disgust and astonishment when the lady to my left simply thrust the note in front of my face, waiting for her recipient to collect it. I had to control my facial expression as not to embarrass either of these ladies or lose my composure; however, you will now find two fewer names listed on my bridge luncheon invitation list! I will proceed to explain the proper way to deliver such an item:

1. First of all, one should not be passing notes or other items during a club meeting or other gathering unless it is an absolute emergency. It is disrespectful to the speaker and disruptive to the others in the audience. If there is no emergency, simply wait until after the function to discuss your matter.
2. If an emergency arises, politely ask the person sitting next to you (in a delicate whisper--discretion is most important here) to kindly pass the note to the person opposite her and ask the person's pardon for your actions. Practically speaking, simply state something like, "I hate to impose upon you like this, but would you mind passing this note to Mrs. So and So on your right--it is quite important." Anytime one of your body parts must cross another's path, please ask permission, and then ask to be pardoned. No one is appreciative of body parts in her personal space, unless of course you are married, then your husband's person should be eagerly welcomed (we will also discuss this when we have a more discrete moment).

At table:

The above rules apply again for passing food or condiments at table. Here is an example so you will be correct:

"Mother, would you mind passing me the salt, please?" (of course dear, you have tasted your food first before asking for any additional condiments). Each person passes the item to her immediate neighbor until it arrives at its final destination. No reaching in front of anyone else, please.

If your are a hostess at a dinner party and do not have hired help (you poor dear!), you may clear the dishes (or better yet, employ your well behaved children in this regard), from each guest's right. Remember this little ditty, "leave from the left, remove from the right" as to never infringe upon a guest's view or space. Good hired help should know this, but do monitor your servants before hosting your dinner party of society guests.

Well, dear reader, that is all for to-day. I hope that this lesson will assist you in maintaining your position in your community. No note passing or rude table behavior is ever worth the risk of being removed from the social register, or worse yet, from my personal address book.

Until next time...

HF