Dear Hildegarde: Your Questions Answered
Dear Hildegarde,
Is it proper to place salad dressing on the dining table? What is the proper way to pass the salt and pepper if you would like to use it also? Who gets to use it first? Please advise...
Sincerely,
Alwaysata Loss
Dear Ms. Loss,
How commendable to recognize your deficiencies and to call upon my expertise at this fine hour! The first step in becoming charming is to know that improvement is needed. I wasn't always the charming and gracious hostess that I am today, if that is possible for you to believe. Everyone must start somewhere! Dear Reader, you too can become a delicate flower of a lady with my simple and practical advice.
Now, to your questions. You may place salad dressing on your table; however, it must be in a nice decanter or serving bowl with a spoon. NEVER put any condiment on the table in its original container if you want to present yourself a charming and dutiful hostess. The only exception is if you are at a backyard BBQ with family or very close friends--then it is most practical to be simple and to protect your fine china, sterling, and crystal. You may use the original plastic containers in this instance, but in this instance only.
As for the salt and pepper, firstly, they must ALWAYS be passed together. It matters not if the salt or pepper were requested singly; salt and pepper must always remain a couple. It is always best to have the salt and pepper passed directly to the person who requested them. Even if you would like to use these extraordinary spices first, it may put a question in requester's eye if you "but in" and use them, even if it is making its way by your place at the table first. Always send the condiments directly to the requester, then ask for them back politely. For example, you may say, "would you mind passing the salt and pepper after you have finished with them?", etc. This is most important at a society dinner. Now, if you are among those delightful friends of your inner circle or family, you may interrupt the flow by saying politely to the requester, "would you mind if I used the salt and pepper before it arrives your way?". This lets the requester know that you are considerate of her feelings and of course, she will not object. However, this exception is only acceptable in the circumstance I have mentioned. Never do this at the White House or you for certain will not be invited to return! One way to avoid this dilemma entirely is to provide salt and pepper cellars (along with their respective spoons) for each guest.
I hope this helps your quandaries, dear reader. Take this advice and you will enter the next phase of your loveliness program!
Until next time...
HF
posted by Hildegarde Fillmore @ 7:46 AM
2 Comments:
Dear Hildegarde,
A variety of questions have come into my curious mind based on your recent post.
First, is it proper for to address a letter "Dear Hildegarde" rather than "Dear Miss Fillmore" or "Dear Mrs. Fillmore"? It seems such familiarity could begin a spiral downward into disrespect and societal chaos.
Second, and I say this with a blush, is not the correct spelling of your chosen idiom "butt in" rather than "but in"? I know for sure it is not "button." Also, when is it appropriate for a refined lady to use such a course (and I dare say, shockingly graphic) phrase?
Thank you in advance for your gentle reply.
A Reader
Dear Reader,
Thank you for your comments. It is always nice to know that my readers have curious minds and that my advice is being read--now if it could only be remembered!
Before answering your questions, I must ask if you have been reading my column regularly. If so, you would realize that it is somewhat impolite for one to question the etiquette prowess of another, especially of those who are elder to her or in a public forum (mother/child exception is acceptable). I have seen that the reader has erred on both notes. In a few weeks, I will enter my 98th year on this earth, and I am almost positive that most of my readers are my junior. However, if this is not the case with you, then I do apologize--otherwise, the rule still stands. Additionally, it would have been more mannerly to provide critical comments to me via my personal email address, which has been provided on this blog. I would have been happy to address your concerns personally there. However, since the reader has not provided an electronic mailing address, I will have to give my answers to the queries at hand in kind, that is, publicly.
Now to your questions:
1. You are absolutely correct that it is proper to address another by her formal name, in my case, it would be "Mrs. Fillmore". Since I am giving practical advice, at times of a most intimate nature, I offered my readers the chance to contact me using my familiar name, Hildegarde. I want to bring my readers into my most inner circle of friends, as to develop a mentoring type relationship. I feel that my readers will be more open with their problems if they feel they are coming to a friend, rather than an old school marm (which I am in actuality!). An older person has the right to request how she would like to be addressed. However, had I not initiated this familiarity, the proper way to address me would be "Mrs. Fillmore".
2. Dear, there is no need to blush. Try to keep that under control as it will detract from your daintiness. The term "but in" as I have heard over my 97 years has a different origin than I believe you are representing. Here is an example for you: a mother is trying to discuss a most important matter with her child and the child continues to interrupt with "but, Mom". Some mothers today would respond with, "no buts! You are going to do your homework" or some other similar phrase. To "but in" is to interrupt someone else with the contradictory phrase, "but...". It is that simple. Although that is the origin, the idiom is most commonly used today to mean “to interrupt”. As far as my choice of common idioms in my advice, well, I am old. Sometimes senility affects even the most well mannered of us. I believe that your meaning of the phrase refers to a discreet body part of some sort--now that is something to blush about!
Until next time...
HF
Post a Comment
<< Home