Dear Hildegarde: Your Questions Answered

Dear Hildegarde,

I went to school in Boston and feel like I have become quite liberated since my enlightenment there. I don't feel like anyone should pull out my chair, open a door for me, etc. I can take care of myself and don't need any man to do these things for me! Why can't men just learn that we are equals and want to be treated with respect?

Sincerely,

NOW Member

Dear NOW Member,

Thank you for your gracious post. It is nice to see that at least you are genuine enough, despite your liberation, to come to me with your question. I am happy to assist you in any way that I can. Now, to the topic at hand. It seems to be that you might be somewhat unsure of your convictions as you are coming to me seeking advice in this area. Any woman (notice I did not say "lady") with same would not bother to come to me at all. I feel, dear reader, that perhaps you are not as far over the fence as you may think. Why is it such a problem when a man wants to offer help with a chair or a door? Such a gracious gesture does not at all detract from your independence (a four letter word in my book), but rather shows that you are worthy enough of respect that a man would take such an action (a gentleman would do these things regardless; I am speaking here of an average man). Dear, haven't you seen the old films depicting a scene where a beautiful woman enters a room, sits down at a table, takes out a cigarette, and then every man in the room rushes over to offer her a "light"? No man hastens a match to an unattractive girl, does he? Why don't you want to be considered a "lady"? There are many a woman in high places in business who act like "ladies" and are treated as such. One can be of an executive level in business and take two routes: behaving like a "woman" or behaving like a "lady". I say, you will earn the respect of your male colleagues much sooner with the latter. "Ladies" make men feel like gentlemen. "Women" make men feel emasculated. Why not take the road less traveled?

My dear husband encounters all sorts of feminist types in New York on a daily basis. He has a phrase he utters, politely of course, to such coarse women who will not accept his gracious actions of opening a door, etc. I chuckle inside whenever I hear it repeated, "I am not opening the door for you because you are a lady, but rather because I am a gentleman." Oh heavens, that gets me every time!

Alas, come over to our side. You will see that a much more pleasant world awaits you, and perhaps one day, one of its gentlemen as well.

Until next time...

HF

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