Etiquette: Introduction on Introductions

Dear Reader,

To-day we will cover a topic that is confusing for many of you--the topic of how to introduce others and how to be introduced to others. We are not speaking to-day of the cotillion or the debutante ball, where one is introduced to society (although I will address this subject at a later time). We are speaking now about personal introductions which you will encounter on an everyday basis. As I am quite sure that those of you who must make regular meetings with Presidents, Heads of State, Ambassadors and the like haven't time to read my posts, I will discuss the basic information about introductions here for the casual reader and write in more detail for the active attache in a later post.

The first item about introductions is that you should make them. No bridge luncheon or dinner party with a mixture of guests will go well if no one knows one another. In formal circles, one must be introduced to someone else before beginning a conversation. It is the responsibility of the hostess to ensure that guests at her affair who have not been previously acquainted with others be properly introduced so that they might begin enjoying conversation and the evenings festivities. As you plan your party, keep in mind your guest list and how you can encourage polite conversation amongst those friends who have not already made an acquaintance. For example, you know that Mr. Smith and Mr. Jones both summer in the Hamptons and are in the business of finance, but have not yet met. Your party would be a perfect place for a new friendship, or at least a golf partnership, to bud between these two!

An additional situation which would require introductions is on a public place or on the street. It is most impolite to be at tea or walking on the street with someone and see an acquaintance of yours and not introduce your friend. How insensitive is it to stand there on the street and have a new conversation with someone, all whilst your engagement for the afternoon stands there idly, hopelessly, not knowing what to do with herself. If you have ever been in this situation, dear reader, you know the embarrassment and awkwardness the situation can create. Try not to repeat this gross error if you ever want your circle of friends to grow. Additionally, it is best to remove your persons from the street and enter a tea house or cafe. It is most rude to block the traffic of pedestrians as you engage yourself in idle chit chat.

Now you ask, "how do I make such introductions?". Never fear, dear reader, I would not leave you hanging in this regard! Here are some basic rules to remember so you will always be correct (there are some exceptions to note, however):

1. The younger is always introduced to the older
Example: "Grandfather, I would like for you to meet a chap from my college business class."
2. A man is always introduced to the woman (unless the man is a Head of State or the Pope)
Example: " Mrs. Smith, I would like for you to meet Mr. Jones."
3. A person of superior position (importance) is always introduced to a person of inferior position
Example: "Your Honor, I would like for you to meet my sister, Marge Wilson."

All you need to remember is to say the proper name first, that is, the older, the lady, or the person of importance. The rest will come to you easily. In addition, it is kind to add some nice anecdote if you would like for the persons to become more acquainted than simply for the sheer politeness of the introduction. Example: "Miss Smith, I would like for you to meet Mr. Horace Greeley. Mr. Greeley, please meet Miss Mable Smith. Mr. Greeley also plays bridge on Thursday nights at the community center...". Please remember to use the first and last names of the people you are introducing; otherwise, you may hear your friends say after you leave, "Horace who??". If you happen to be in this situation of not knowing someone's last name, take heart dear reader, simply ask, "I am sorry, but I do not know your last name." If the person has even one ounce of charm, she will respond kindly with the information.

When you are introduced to someone, it is polite to extend a hand of acknowledgment, but only if you follow these specific rules:

1. A younger person never extends his or her hand to the older
2. A man never extends his hand to a lady
3. A person of less importance never extends his or her hand to a person of more importance

The proper person always has the choice of whether to extend a hand or not. However, in business, although it is a lady's privilege to extend her hand to a man, she should never do so to someone who is of superior position within the firm. The right in this situation is reserved for the person of superior position.

Lastly, even if you feel that the person you are meeting is simply ghastly (in which case dear, you need to find a different set of friends!), you must respond with a pleasant comment such as, "I am pleased to meet you" or "I am so happy to know you, dear". It is also courteous to remain with your new acquaintance for at least five to ten minutes to make some additional polite conversation. After that, no more commitment is needed. Please see my previous post on how to exit a conversation gracefully so you will have the next step ready!

Well, dear reader, you will sleep tonight knowing that you can properly introduce others. By maintaining this special skill, you will show to others that you can be confident in any situation. Being a charming hostess requires this skill. Now that you have it, why not throw a little party this weekend to show off how poised and gracious you are!

Until next time...

HF