Dear Hildegarde: Your Questions Answered

Dear Hildegarde,

I received an invitation the other day to a luncheon/fashion show fundraiser in New York. I would love to take my children along, but am not sure if it is appropriate or not. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Attached at the Hip

Dear Attached,

Thank you for your kind note. I must express that I am pleased that you have come to me for advice in this area before you made a most unbecoming error. Too often, parents take for granted that their children are welcome everywhere; this is not the case. Here are my thoughts on the subject...

First of all, when one receives an invitation, and this should be obvious, but apparently not to some among us, the names listed on the invitation are the names of the people who are desired at the respective event. If the intention were for a child, a mother-in-law living in, or other houseguests to be invited, their names would be on the invitation as well. Do I make myself clear here, dear? Never assume that additional persons are to be included as part of your invitation.

Having explained the "rule", here is what to do if there is some question. It is always the hostess' prerogative to decide who enters her home, club, or the place where the said event is taking place. Therefore, if for some reason, you are unable to retain a sitter for your children, or a caregiver for your elderly mother-in-law, etc., simply let the hostess know that you are unable to attend her event due to these circumstances. DO NOT call to ask if your child, mother-in-law, or other houseguest may attend. This is most impolite and puts the hostess in an incredibly awkward position. The hostess has the option to either extend an invitation for the additional guests (children, etc.), or to politely give her regret and then continue planning her engagement. You should not be offended if an additional invitation is not extended to your children or houseguests. Wouldn't you desire the same courtesy?

It is important that you learn this "rule". Take heart, dear reader. As you show others that you have respect and courtesy for them, you will not only be clilmbing up the next step on the ladder of your loveliness program, but you will also be spending more time planning your social calendar and answering all of those invitations you will be receiving.

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.