Dear Hildegarde: Your Questions Answered

Dear Hildegarde,

Your advice on photographs leads me to a question. What is proper etiquette concerning commenting on others' appearances in photos? If you run across a photo where someone does not, dare I say it, look their best, is it proper to speak to this matter? If it is proper, should it be done privately or in a public forum?

Signed,

Curious Casper

Dear Curious,

Thank you so very much for your post. I always appreciate when readers are spurred on to to other thoughts as a result of one of my lessons. Now, onto your query...

The theoretical lesson here is probably one that you have learned from your mother: "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." A good lesson indeed; however, I do believe that although the intent of this phrase is to encourage us to speak well and positively of others, it does not necessarily preclude us from giving someone in a photo "a good ribbing" every now and then. I would state here that a rule for your question would be that comments or observations given in good humor (whether in public or private) are acceptable as long as they are given in such, not with ill intent, not too often, and as long as the recipient(s) of such comments would be of good sport and not overly sensitive to the subject of the comment at hand. For example, it you saw a photo of some friends whom you knew had some sensitivity to hair growth issues, you would never say something like, "Ed, why don't you lose the toupee...and while your at it, have your wife taken in for a lip waxing!" That would be very crass, very insensitive, and just outright cruel, especially if you made these comments in front of others.

Be a good judge of your intended recipients and act accordingly. Jocularity is taken well not only in the locker room at the county club, but also out in public. On the flip side, the deliverer of same comments should also be of good sport to receive a return observation!

I hope this helps you in your situation.

Until next time...

HF

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