Dear Hildegarde: Your Questions Answered

Dear Reader,

To-day we will revisit one of my old favorites: "Dear Hildegarde". I usually save this for my Friday column, but since I received a question mid-week, I will address it in kind...

Dear Mrs. Fillmore,

What does one do about sets of doors? If your gentleman friend opens the outer door is it appropriate and courteous to open the inner door for him? Or, since this is a casual circumstance, hold the door open for him as you walk through it? I encounter this every day coming in and out of the dorm.

Signed,
Carol

Dearest Carol,

I hope that you are enjoying happily your life as a college co-ed! There is no experience like it--this is a nice time of life: no encumbrances--just you and the world. Encumbrances can be wonderful, but enjoy your freedom to discover the path set for you during these early adult years.

Now, to your question. Please remember that etiquette is a journey to be had in the consideration of others. It is not merely a set of rules, which occasionally when followed, are designed to create a new set of encumbering circumstances. That having been said, I will give you my thoughts for two different scenarios. If you are "with" a man, meaning your date for the evening, your father or brother, or merely a classmate coming over to your dorm to study (in the public area, mind you), of course, the young (or old, as the case may be) man should absolutely open both doors for you as a gesture of gentlemanly courtesy. You are travelling as a couple, as it were, and he should treat you as the feminine half. Here is the second scenario: if you are entering your dorm and a random person happens to be within the vicinity, of course, he may open your door. However, once you enter, you may feel free to open the inner door for the other party, or walk thorugh first and hold it open for him. It does not make sense for a casual acquaintence to rush to open both doors for you. However, if this is a date, he absolutely must do so. It is a different relationship and thus calls for different rules.

I know you, dear. You are a thoughtful, courteous, young lady. I feel it best to leave this to your discretion. Knowing the rules now "on paper", do what seems appropriate (keeping in mind that I will expect a report back from you during your Christmas break). It is those who know the rules who also have the savvy to finesse them.

Best to you, my dear!

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.