Charm: Whistler's Mother

Dear Reader,

I have recently received a delightful request to write about whistling. Now, we are not discussing the happy whistling that is sometimes acceptable when one works (outdoors only, please--there is no need to whistle at your desk at your place of business. That is simply annoying to all of your coworkers regardless of your whistling prowess. Unless you are a dwarf who answers to a name that is also an adjective, keep it zipped, please.). We are discussing women, and notice I use the term "women" and not "ladies", whistling through their fingers. There is NEVER an appropriate time for a female to impart a loud whistling sound from her lips. This action is wholly obnoxious and must be stopped immediately. Why on earth would someone whistle like that? Dear, are you trying to get someone's attention? For Heaven's sake, call her on her cell phone; the likelihood is that your friend does have one. If you have the task of working with animals, please, buy yourself a dog whistle; at my last check, I do believe that they are still manufactured. Would you like to quiet a room of ladies before the luncheon and historical program begin? Simply dim the lights on and off. Are you trying to show your favoritism for a certain sports team whilst in the stands? A simple, "bravo!" or "go team!" will suffice. Whistling through the fingers is a very barbaric thing to do. If you read my previous posts, you will note that any sort of sound that is not speech or song eminating from a person is most unattractive and must be prevented and/or dispensed with in private. Dear, this is now the 21st century. Please find some other way of communicating which will not detract from your daintiness and loveliness program.

Until next time...

HF

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