Beauty: Summertime Protection

Dear Readers,

It has been some time since I have posted, but I have been flying around town with all of my important social engagements. But fear not, dear reader...I have not forgotten you.

To-day's lesson will be a pithy one. I want to remind you about the importance of protecting your loveliness by the wearing of sun protection. Why look like you have been outside in the sun all day, like some laborer? You want you skin to be smooth and delicate as you gracefully age, not tough and leathery. My dear, a quick delight at the resort will last even longer if you wear a hat and your protection cream. Advertise to the world your life of leisure by the care of your skin, not by the undesirable darkening of it. Anyone who is "in the know" will know you were in the Hamptons anyway.

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@gmail.com.

Charm: Embrace Your Day the Hildegarde Way

Dear Reader,

To-day's post is one of learning how to spread your charm to others, simply by how you phrase your questions and statements throughout the day. There is always place for charm and courtesy; do remember that, dear. In any circumstance, you can choose to be rude or you can choose to be polite. In order to travel up the ladder of your success program, you must always choose the polite way, albeit the path less traveled these days.

Here is an example so you will always be correct: the other day, I overheard my servants in the kitchen early in the morning as they were preparing my breakfast. Cook said to the maid, "I don't think that Mrs. Fillmore would want that old cinnamon bread. I know I am tired of it!". Now, the maid had bought the bread at the bakery, so this comment could have been a little insulting. An alternative, which would have been just as easy to say and with no hurt feelings could have been, "I think Mrs. Filmore's tastes may lean more toward pumpernickel today. I will serve her that with her cream and eggs." Now, how much nicer is that? It is the little things that make a difference, dear. Think of what "Hildegarde" would do/say next time you are interacting with someone else. You will never lose the game when politeness and courtesy are your pawns. Remember..."embrace your day the Hildegarde way".

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@gmail.com.

Dear Hildegarde: Your Questions Answered

Dear Mrs. Fillmore,

I went to a ladies' party recently where the hostess flatly refused to let anyone bring anything to help with refreshments . A couple of women brought something anyway. I wasn't sure if this was the right thing to do or if it was a bit rude not to follow the hostess' wishes. The evening included all refreshments, including wine, appetizers, salad, dinner and dessert, plus a small party favor gift. All from the hostess single-handedly. It was wonderful (and she has four kids to boot : ) )

Anyway, I wrote her a thank you note the next day, took it to a local florist and had it delivered along with a moderate floral arrangement. It felt really good to send her flowers and a note after the fact (I would not hesitate to do something like this again), but would it be easier just to bring flowers or a bottle of wine with me anyway next time such a circumstance happens?

Sincerely,

Sense of Gratitude

Dear Mrs. Gratitude,

Now I know that you have been regularly reading my column! I dare say that you could probably dole out advice as my assistant! Brava, my dear lady!

To your questions...despite a hostess' outright refusal for her guests to bring anything, most people usually do regardless. It is almost sort of a little game we play in society, unfortunately. You could equate this with being invited to a birthday party for a friend and the hostess states, "no gifts, please", but you would always bring a little something, wouldn't you? Some people like to have their parties a certain way, which is why she may have refused assistance. Anyone bringing a dish, despite the hostess' request, should not feel hurt if her dish is not displayed with the rest. Of course, the best way to handle the situation is as you suggested: bringing flowers or a beverage is just as easy and would not infringe upon her "theme" for refreshments for the event, should she have one. However, sending flowers after the event is equally as correct, as is sending them prior.

I hope this advice has helped you, dear. Although I don't really think that you needed it!

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@gmail.com.

Dear Hildegarde: Your Questions Answered

Dear Mrs. Fillmore,

Regarding thank you notes - it's my goal in life to write thank you notes is as timely a manner as possible. I've been TERRIBLE about this, but am glad to say my holiday thank yous were out last week (after sitting in my purse a week before that waiting for stamps). What about thank you notes when you have received a gift and given thanks already in person? I believe you cannot express "too much" thanks to anyone, but is a thank you note required in this instance?

Sincerely,
Always Writing

Dear Mrs. Writing,

Thank you so very much for writing in today! I do so like to receive feedback and questions from my readers. Well, it sounds as if you have been heeding my column and are on your way to completing your charm program! I had better ready my calligraphy pen for your graduation certificate, which of course will arrive on engraved papers (NEVER printed - remember that, dear).

Now, in answer to your question, it is most appropriate to follow up with a thank you note even when a gift has been given and thanks received in person, although not required. Consider how you would feel if you received a note of gratitude in the same situation: most likely, you would be pleased and fondly remember the person writing the note. This is what courtesy is all about. Unless you are some sort of stalker, it is unlikely that you would "overthank" someone for a gift.

I hope this has answered your question, dear. Please do come back and let me know what you decided.

Until next time,
HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Etiquette: Thank You Notes, Once Again

Dear Reader,

I cannot tell you how nice it is to be back in town after a lovely holiday season. I enjoyed celebrating Christmas et al with my family and exchanging gifts of a most tasteful nature. Now, have you all written your proper thank you notes? The deadline is fast approaching. Naturally, you should have thanked your gift giver at the time of receipt of the gift, especially if you received it in person; however, if a gift was sent to you via the post, you must especially send a gracious and meaningful note of thanks, however short. February 1 is the absolute last day for an acceptable thank you note from the Christmas holidays.

Thank you notes are ALWAYS appropriate whenever a kindness is shared with you, however small. Do not be remiss in this polite action, lest you be left off of the Christmas list for next year!

Until next time,

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Holiday Hiatus: Off to Bermuda

Dear Readers,

I am writing to you to-day to let you know of my holiday plans. My husband and I are off to our home in Bermuda for the rest of the year to enjoy the holiday season. I shall return after the new year...

Please remember to mind your manners and if you have any questions whilst I am away, please read back through all of my postings. I am sure you will find an answer to your query in no time.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all!

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Charm: Let's Speak Nicely on Facebook

Dear Reader,

It has come to my attention as of late that there are some out there who use profanity on Facebook. Now, I understand that Facebook is a tool with which to communicate with others socially, but who of your friends uses profanity in public, or in private, for that matter? The initial question is: why are you friends with someone who even uses profanity? There is no need for this type of language and especially not in a public forum where your name is attached. I would suggest that if you have a Facebook "friend" who uses profanity or controversial language on Facebook, defriend him immediately. There is no other option; people who see your Facebook page will see the vulgarity and automatically assume that you approve of it. And that is no way to get your foot in the door at the local country club now, is it?

Technology is our friend as well as our enemy. Use it wisely...

Until next time,
HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.