Etiquette: Door to Door

Dear Reader,

I have had numerous inquiries regarding door etiquette over the past few days. I guess since Winter is coming, people want to know the rules in order to get into buildings and homes as quickly as possible. I will get right to our lesson to-day...

It is always important to be courteous to others and keep their needs in mind before yours. That is the whole point of learning and using my etiquette rules. The only people who suffer in this world are those who do not benefit from the knowledge of the rules and the blessing of implementing them in order to be considerate of others. How dreadful it is that such are among us! I dream of a community where everyone knows the rules and follows them--off to Heaven!

Here are some easy pointers regarding door manners:

1. Men (gentlemen, that is) always open doors for ladies (even in business--politeness and consideration do not take a break during working hours), older men, those of a more prominent stature (supervisor, political superior, etc.) and the handicapped. Basically, a man opens a door for everyone else. One opens a door if he and another person are approaching a door at the same time. People of etiquette knowledge know the rules and will stop to let the proper person open the door first.
2. Anyone entering or exiting a premisis should hold the door for another person approaching same if within a reasonable distance. However, if someone is exiting his car in the parking lot of the super market and you are leaving the building, there is no need to wait for such person.
3. Ladies open doors for older ladies and young children, but not gentlemen, unless very elderly or handicapped.
4. Teens and children should follow the above rules for their appropriate gender with each other, but should always open doors for those who are elder to them, if physically able.
5. Parents should open doors for their children until they are in the pre teen years--then the above rules apply.
6. The person opening a door to a building (public or private) should allow people exiting to come through first. Once the path is clear, he may enter. This rule also applies for elevators.
7. When a man and woman are walking together and approaching a building, the lady should slow down as to allow the man to get the door. If she does not, the situaltion will be awkward.
8. The only tricky exception is if somone is carrying a heavy package, the rules are suspeneded. A lady may get the door for a young, able man in such instance, for example, unless the man is hired, then she does not.

Now, the same rules basically apply for automobiles as well, with the exception of children. Parents should open the doors for their children until they are in the later teen years. They must ensure proper safety precautions are taken with seat belts, etc. until the children are old enough to effectively manage this themselves.

If two or more persons of equality are engaged before a door, it will just be up to them who takes the initiative. However, it is always better to err on the side of politeness. And remember, you never want to be outdone in politeness by someone of a lower class or standing. Heavens! That piece of advice comes from George Washington.

If you have a specific "door situation" you would like me to address, please drop me a line at hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

That is all, my dear reader. Until next time...

HF

Beauty: Tim Gunn...is his style advice always correct?

Dear Reader,

I am so invigorated now that I can write to you again on a regular basis! I so missed give out my advice over the summer, despite my complete fulfillment being away. Now we are back to business...let me discuss an item which came to my attention the other evening whilst I was watching a new show on the television, "Tim Gunn's Guide to Style". This is a lovely television show where ordinary people are "spruced up", as it were, to look more like reasonable people with style. Most of the "victims" are not surprisingly, from the New York City metro area. Living in Scarsdale, I have the benefit, or perhaps the unfortunate privilege, of seeing style at its worst, predominantly with the young people around town. The older set has style to perfection, but this younger generation has taken a turn for the worst, even in Bronxville. But, I digress...

This particular episode showed a young pediatrician from the Bronx getting a makeover. She was a petite woman of reasonable charm; however, the dress selected for her on the show by Tim Gunn was too short. One of the dresses selected at the Cynthia Rowley boutique was perfect for her-- a halter dress with the hem just hitting below the knee. It was perfection in fabric and flattered her hourglass, yet longer waisted figure. The dress that Mr. Gunn selected was attractive, but was cut a few inches above the knee. Now Mr. Gunn, I can't think of one person on this planet who has knees atractive enough to advertise. Most people have "a little extra" in the knee/lower thigh area and the length of this dress did not flatter this young doctor in the least. As much as I adore you, Mr. Gunn, I would have selected the halter dress.

Let this be a lesson to my readers...dresses and skirts should hit you at the knee or just below it. Your knees are for function and should not be displayed in public, short of being at the tennis club in your whites.

Isn't that easy? A one step lesson for to-day.

Until next time...

HF

Etiquette: RSVPs

Dear Reader,

Well...I must say that I am quite refreshed, having just returned from a nice, long summer away. I hope that you did not miss me too much. I hate to say that I come back already with some material for my column. Are those of you out there reading not quite yet up to par when it comes to my etiquette advice? I think that you are! It is those who are not reading my column who suffer the dread of ill manners and disgusted glares from onlookers. Well...off to the topic of the day...RSVPs.

Dear, do you know that RSVP means? It comes from the French and basically means "please respond". It does not mean "throw away the invitation and forget about it" or "ignore the email asking to reschedule a meeting". It is asking you to do the LEAST you can do--be courteous enough to respond to someone who is asking for your attention. I cannot tell you how absolutely rude it is to ignore someone who is trying to ask for some of your time. Even if you are not sure about an event or a meeting, at least tell the person who is calling for you. She will understand and can at least mark you down as a possibility. Do not, not even for a minute, think that it is the responsbility of the hostess to contact you to find out your response. She is busy about her social engagements and should never have to do that. It is your responsbility, dear reader, to follow up, as any lady would, to your invitations, social or otherwise, promptly and courteously.

Here are some guidelines so you will always be correct:

1. Always respond to the hostess by the date mentioned in the invitation.
2. Respond in kind: paper invites require a paper response; telephone invites require a telephone response, etc.
3. If there is no RSVP date listed, respond within 3 days of receipt of the invitation.

This is so easy, dear. There is no need to ever be in error. The only exception is if you are on holiday when the invitation arrives and you are unable to respond as you are away until after the reply date. Of course, this will be rare as you should have your maid or valet open up your mail whilst you are away.

Good tidings my friends!

Until next time...

HF