Charm: Poise with Public Speaking

Dear Reader,

To-day's lesson will address the issue of how to appear your best when speaking in public, that is, in front of an audience. The most important thing to remember is that you want to connect with your audience (in order for them to accept or at least consider the points you are trying to make). In order to do this, one must be conscious of the following:

1. Dress appropriately--no one wants to listen to someone who is dressed sloppily or looks unkempt. This removes credibility from your message.

2. Speak clearly and concisely. Use a pleasant speaking voice which proves to be on the lower side of the vocal range. No one wants to listen to someone with a high, squeaky voice. Deliver a positive feel with your message; avoid a whiny tone in your voice as it will only grate on the nerves of your listeners. Additionally, if you have an accent which may be perceived as unpleasant by anyone, i.e., anything north of the Mason-Dixon line (especially New Jersey or any of the non-Manhattan NYC boroughs) or west of the Mississippi, with the exception of Texas and California, invest in some elocution lessons to rid youself of this distraction. Typically, the thicker the accent, the lower the social class and the fewer years of higher education, especially in the northern or mid western states--this is not always the case, but surely is very often.

3. Present your message in a clear, non dramatic way. Avoid the use of extremes in your language, as you will only invoke the rolls of many an eye during your presentation. Stick with the facts and do not try to use false, persuasive language to capture your audience.

4. Try not to overuse gestures while speaking. It is very distracting and only makes one appear to be having spasms. A few here and there are acceptable, but do keep count.

5. Keep your comments short, unless you are delivering a presentation of an academic nature. Make your point(s) and then finish up.

Well dear, I hope that these few tips will assist you when you next make a presentation or must speak briefly to an audience. Again, remember to connect with your audience and you may make a few "connections" of your own!

Until next time...

HF

Dear Hildegarde: Your Questions Answered

Dear Mrs. Fillmore,

I read your post about perfume and really liked it. I want to start having a signature fragrance, but am not sure how to proceed. My grandmother has some perfume that she wore that she gave me some years ago, and I like it. I think that I would like to use it as my signature fragrance, too. Is that OK?

Sincerely,

Smelling Sweet

Dear Sweet,

Thank you for your post. It is acceptable to have the same signature fragrance as another, as long as you have selected it because of your own liking and not because you want to smell like or copy the other person. It would be just short of stalking otherwise!

Now, it is also important to wear the fragrance every day. Make sure that you don't let perfume go to waste by waiting for the "perfect moment" or a "special occasion" to wear it. You are to be beautiful and to smell lovely every day of your life. Don't leave your perfume bottle unattended except for twice a year. Perfume does spoil after about a year's time, so use it up or, I am afraid, you will have to throw it out. If you are coming very close to the "expiration date" and have not enough days to use up your fragrance, think of other clever ways to scent your life: add some to your laundry, to your bath water, to your bed linens, etc. I even add that fragrant touch to my canine every now and then and have been known to use even the most expensive of fragrances for room freshening.

Now dear, find that special signature fragrance of yours and don't leave home without it!

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com

Beauty: Scent of a Lady

Dear Reader,

To-day's lesson will cover the use of fragrance. Fragrance is essential to the poise and charm of a lady, not to mention her well being in general. A lady never leaves her home without donning a bit of perfume (even to go to a committee meeting). Without it, she is practically naked, almost like leaving home without wearing her pearls. Heavens! Let this never happen to you!

Now, on to our lesson. It is very important for a lady to select a signature fragrance which is becoming to her personality and body type. A perky, young athlete should not be choosing a heavy oriental fragrance, but rather a light, sporty one. The converse is true: you would not see a queenly type wearing a sporty, youthful fragrance. Fragrances will fall into one of several categories: oriental, floral, green, etc. It is best for one to go to the local department store and try on a few at a time. Do not, however, let the sales lady talk you into buying one right away. Walk around the store for about 30 minutes to see how the fragrance oils react with your skin. Sometimes, the sweetest smelling floral will smell like dead flowers in a matter of minutes on the wrong person. Once you have selected the fragrance for you, stick with it--it is to become your signature fragrance that will endear yourself to others for years. Considering that you would like to have a signature fragrance, it may be wise to select a perfume that has been around for a time, such as anything by Estee Lauder or CHANEL. It would be horrible for you to fall in love with one, only to have it be discontinued next season. My signature fragrance is CHANEL No. 22 and I have worn it for years. It was created in 1928 and is still around. Bravo!

Additionally, consider purchasing some ancillary products, such as bath oil, cream, and powder in the same fragrance. Do not use all of these products at once (lest you offend), but rather choose two (one should be your perfume itself) to keep your fragrance fresh smelling all day long. Also, remember that perfume (parfum) has the highest concentration of oil, followed by Eau de Toilette and then Cologne. The more oil, the more expensive the purchase, but the longer your loveliness will last!

A point here to take--even the loveliest of fragrances will not do if it is applied to an unclean person. One must be bathtime fresh and have clean hair in order for the fragrance to maximize one's loveliness. Perfume should be applied on a clean person wearing a clean, fresh smelling costume and NEVER used to cover up one's lack of personal hygiene. Apply the perfume delicately to your pulse points: behind the ears, on the neck, behind the knees, and in the crook of the arms. If you are wearing a high quality parfum, just a few dabs will do. Nowadays, you may even put a few drops in your laundry water. Lastly, put a few dabs on your hair--you never know when you will be getting close to a special suitor.

Best of luck, my dear. Choose your signature perfume and you will always have something to add to your Christmas list!

Until next time...

HF

Etiquette: Lopez Mistakenly Congratulates Miss America 2006

Dear Reader,

One of my favorite television programs for my children growing up was the Miss America pageant. I have been watching it since 1943 and haven't missed a year. My mother used to make egg creams for my children and we would all gather around the television and watch the glamour as a family. Much has happened with the pageant lately; it just isn't what it used to be. We are drawn to so many other television opportunities that such a show has simply lost its luster. What a shame...

To my point to-day, I wanted to note an egregious error made by the host of the 2007 Miss America pageant, Mr. Mario Lopez. Although Mr. Lopez was a charming host for the majority of the pageant festivities, he made one mistake--he congratulated Miss America 2006 when she announced her betrothal and upcoming nuptials. Any true gentleman knows that it is most impolite to congratulate a lady on the announcement of her engagement, as if it were some unfathomable feat for her to obtain a man. Any other salutation would be appropriate here, e.g., "best wishes", "how wonderful", etc. Congratulations are always in order, however, for the groom-to-be.

Keep reading my posts as not to make etiquette mistakes. You never know when you may be on live television!

Until next time...

HF