Dear Hildegarde: Your Questions Answered

Dear Mrs. Fillmore,

I have a question...I have a friend who always talks on her cell phone when we are together or out at a restaurant. I don't think that the calls are emergencies, either. It makes me feel like she does not value my time and that bothers me. What should I do about this?

Sincerely,

Hung Up on Cell Phones

Dear Hung Up,

Thank you for your post. Here is my new phrase, "Listen to your Auntie Mabel, get your cell phones off the table!". I do think that despite the convenience of modern technologies, our lives are more interrupted than ever. A cell phone seems to be a necessary item these days, and an especially convenient one in the event of an emergency, especially one of a motoring nature. I do feel however, that the use of cell phones should be limited to times when one has an urgent need or when one needs to be available, that is, a parent of a young child at home with a babysitter, a doctor, etc., or when one is not engaged with the company of another. It is most rude to carry on a conversation on the cell phone when you are sitting at a restaurant with a friend, in a movie theater, or anywhere else, for that matter, when others are present. You would not leave a friend at a restaurant to go to the public telephone to have a social conversation, so why would you insist on having one on your cell phone at the table? This shows a lack of consideration for your friend, and for others in the establishment. Trust me, no one is interested in hearing another's phone conversation.

If one is either at home or out with another, whether it be family or friends, please turn off the cell phone. For most of us, there is nothing so important that it cannot wait an hour or so. Show some consideration for others with you and around you--subscribe to voice mail and turn off that phone.

Now, as far as confronting your friend about the situation, you may be as explicit as need be, and simply state to her something of this nature--perhaps you and she should get together at another time when she is not so busy. There isn't really anything else you can say without coming across as demanding. Perhaps she will get the message, perhaps not. It is up to you to determine if this friendship is worth keeping. If it is, you may want to be more forthcoming with how her cell phone usage when you are together is making you feel.

Best of luck! Write back and let me know your results!

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefilmore@hotmail.com.

Etiquette: Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary, Where Does Your Napkin Go?

Dear Reader,

To-day's lesson is on the correct placement of the most useful of table accoutrements, the napkin, or serviette for the Canadian readers. Many have erred on the use of the napkin, so let's address this at once so you will be properly informed for your next dining occasion.

Firstly, it is important to use napkins whenever dining. I know of many a man who succumbs to the use of paper towels for his dabbing needs, but dear reader, this will not do! Invest in some linen damask napkins and keep them always at the ready. For a backyard barbecue, you may use some nice quality paper napkins.

When setting the table, the napkin is placed to the left of the silver, which is placed directly to the left of the dinner plate. You may also place the folded napkin in the center of the dinner plate. Do not place the silver directly on the napkin as this will cause you to have to move the silver to obtain the napkin, an ungainly and unnecessary step.

Of course, one must always follow her hostess' lead, but always place your napkin in your lap when you sit down at the table, unless of course, you are having cocktails first. Your napkin should be opened once at the fold, and placed caringly into your lap. Never make the mistake of tucking your napkin in your collar! This is in such bad taste that I cannot explain further. You will look like a dock worker if you do this. If you are wearing your best silk blouse, then eat cautiously, dear--don't detract from your loveliness by decorating yourself with a bib! Heavens!

If you must get up from the table during the meal, place your napkin in your chair as you leave, not on the table. No one eating wants to see your soiled linens, so remember this important step. When you return to the table, collect your napkin and place it back into your lap. When the meal is over, you may place your napkin on the table. When placing your napkin on the table at this time, it should be put on the table as it falls. Do not fold your napkin back into any sort of form; this shows that you are not used to servants collecting the linens and that you are used to cleaning up after yourself. Even if you are, don't let your little secret out!

Until next time...

HF