Beauty: Piercings

Dear Reader,

To-day I would like to address the topic of body piercings. I know, it is dreadful to think about, but I simply must lecture on this topic as to keep you informed of what is happening and what you should do about it. We want to be about our beauty best now, don't we?

The world is chasing after sterling, not necessarily a bad thing, unless of course, it is for bodily decoration. Here is the rule so you will always be correct: if one must have piercings, two are allowed, one in each ear. That is all. Any more brings one down several class notches and into the realm of a streetwalker. I do not care of your ethnicity; this rule applies for all who wish to be part of American civilized society (who cares about any other place? Well, perhaps England). Add just one more earring and don't expect to be invited back to the St. Albans Cotillion this year.

Don't question it, dear. Two is the rule, and NEVER before the age of 12.

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Dear Hildegarde: Your Questions Answered

Dear Ms. Fillmore,

Last night we were out to dinner with some neighbors. The server took away all the silver after the main course. She returned with cream pie and placed a teaspoon to rest at the right side of the pie plate. The spoon was turned down. I asked for a fork. Then my husband said, "Please contact Hildegard to ask about this situation!" Please advise if I was to use the spoon and was in error asking for a fork. Thank you so much Hildegarde.

Dear Cream Pie Lover,

Thank you so very much for writing in. Sometimes, utensil questions can be the most challenging, but not for me, of course. Years of practice and attendance at the finest cotillions and State dinners make a girl quite confident in this arena. Now, back to your question. I personally prefer a fork with any kind of pie. So of course, I see no fault in asking for one at your restaurant. The restaurant is probably assuming that since the dessert contains a pudding-like portion, a spoon is needed, as is when ice cream is served. However, I feel that the pie crust can be too tricky to manage with a spoon at times. I do not feel you were in error asking for a fork; you want to be at your most lovely and dainty and if using a fork instead of a spoon (in this situation) will make you appear that way, I see no reason for worry. Now, this situation would be completely different if you were in someone's home. You always want to follow your hostess' lead, even if she is making a utensil mistake. One of the purposes of the knowledge of etiquette is make others feel comfortable; drawing attention to your hostess' table manners shortcomings would not serve you well in your loveliness program, nor would it endear you to another dinner invitation. At the Queen's supper, follow the Queen, as it were.

I hope this advice has been helpful to you. Keep your chin up, dear, and you will show others the confidence you have as you continue on your journey toward beauty, grace, and charm.

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Dear Hildegarde: Your Questions Answered

Dear Mrs. Fillmore,

Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day! I was recently invited to a bridal shower for a member of my church, whom I do not know very well. All of the women of my church are invited to the shower (I should clarify here that it is an "open" invitation to all the women of the church, no personal invitation was received). The shower is to be held in two weeks, however, no invitation to the wedding itself has been extended to me thus far -- and the wedding is to be held in February! Is it considered bad form to invite someone to your bridal shower but not the actual wedding? If so, what is the appropriate response?

Signed,
Wet Blanket

Dear Blanket,

I am so glad that you wrote to me to-day. It sounds like you have already been taking my course as you can recognize bad form like a trooper! I see two problems here: the first is the "open invitation" for the bridal shower. A bridal shower is a time of fun, fellowship, and celebration for all involved and is intended for the bride and her most intimate friends (and/or intimate friends of the mother of the bride). The open invitation here is the equivalent of President Bush extending an open invitation for America to attend his daughter's upcoming bridal shower. It is simply rediculous to offer such a thing. It is basically just asking for gifts and is a very lazy way to capture everyone's attendance. Invitations to any event should be deliberate as to make it personal for the recipient. I would question (in private, of course) the manners of a person who would do such a thing. To the second issue: it is very poor form to invite someone to a shower and not to the wedding. It is in essence telling the guest that she is welcome to give the bride a gift (and receive a light luncheon) but she is not important enough for the parents to pay for her seat at the more expensive wedding reception. The shower invitation list should always be a more selective group of ladies taken from the prepared wedding guest list.

My suggestions here are as follows: you need only attend the shower if you like the person and of course, if you do attend, you should bring a gift. However, if you decide not to attend, you need not send a gift either, unless again, you truly like the person being honored, etc. Now, if you are a person of importance at your church, i.e., pastor's wife, committee chairman, etc., you may just have to attend and bring a gift and just ignore the fact that you were not invited to the wedding. Politics are everything these days. That is the ladylike thing to do.

I hope these suggestions have been helpful to you. Good luck with whatever you decide!

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Charm: To Dry...or Not To Dry

Dear Reader,

Our question for to-day is whether or not to clean up after oneself in a ladies room. I must say that I have never had to think about this one before: I have always had a lady in waiting at home and when I am at the club, there is always a matron in the ladies room. However, were I to be of such resources as not to have these luxuries about me, I would say that the answer must be a definite "yes".

A reader wrote in to me about cleaning up around the sink area in a public facility. I must say, dear reader, you must always clean up after yourself if there is no attendant to do so. After washing your hands, etc., please dry up the area you have just used as not to leave a pool of water which will soil the next person's blouse. I can only imagine permanently damaging a new silk charmeuse all because of some careless, thoughtless, and slovenly person's remission to tidy up. What is this world coming to? Please look after yourselves in a caring and ladylike manner. Make this note: if you cannot clean up after yourself in public, who is going to want to invite you to her candlelight dinner party at her estate?

Until next time,

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.

Happy New Year!

Dear Reader,

To-day I am up during the wee hours of the morning, solely to wish you a Happy New Year before anyone else. I am courteous like that, you know (of course in polite circles dear, one does not "toot" her own proverbial "horn". However, among close friends, I make an exception, but only for New Year's Day.).

I hope that each of you has a very exciting afternoon planned, one of which, I hope, will consist of considering your positives and negatives, making a list of same, and reading through my previous posts to find advice to make positives out of those negatives. There is no reason to digress on your loveliness program--make 2008 a charming one!

Until next time...

HF

Do you have a question for Mrs. Fillmore? Please send an email to hildegardefillmore@hotmail.com.